Michelle, 41

Meet Michelle..

“Just because I am wearing green and hidden from society, inside this cell, does not make me a monster or a bad lady.”

Michelle, 41

Incarcerated: 2 ½ years

Housed: Taconic Correctional Facility, Bedford Hills, New York

As I sat in this eight by ten-foot cell, locked in for daily count, I began to ask myself, “Where did I go wrong?” I’m aware of my crime and who I’ve hurt, and I take full responsibility for being incarcerated. Yet the same question blows around in my mind like a storm. Was it when I was born on drugs, taken from my biological mother, and placed into the foster care system only just a first few breaths in this world? Was it when my mother’s boyfriend was molesting me during unsupervised visits at the age of eleven? I was afraid to tell because I would never see my mother again, so I endured his abuse for years. Was it when I and all my belongings were in another CPS worker’s trunk, and I was off to another foster home family? As I looked out the window each time, I’d ask myself, “Will this family care? Will I be able to trust anyone?” Was it when I lost my brother in the system that separated us? He was adopted, and his name was changed, never to see him again?! Was it when my biological mom pushed on the plunger of a syringe and released drugs into my system at 13 years old, and all I wanted was her love? Was it when I felt so alone in this big world and had no one I thought I could trust? Was it when my biological mother passed from liver failure, and I could never tell her, “I forgive you, Mom, and I love you?” Was it when the one man I believed loved me broke my ribs? Was it maybe when I stood outside my home of ten years and watched everything  I worked so hard to burn to ashes? Or perhaps it was when I walked into my daughter’s room to see the man I laid next to for 13 years molesting my firstborn daughter? He was immediately put into jail, where he is today! Sometimes I ask, “God, why am I here?” Why was I put through so much pain, hurt, and disloyalty? Since I was in prison, I have found God, and he is my higher power. He helps me get up and put my feet on the floor each day, the strength to embrace whatever or whoever may cross my path each day, whether in prison or the world. I can’t quite pinpoint when or where it began to go wrong for Michelle, but what I can do is move forward. I want to be a good mother, a trustworthy friend, a loyal wife, a patient listener, an on-time employee, and an average citizen. I want to be someone I’ve never tried to be, and that’s a WHOLE NEW ME! Sitting in this cell, my own little hell can be turned around into a place of growth, my own little sanctuary, a place and a time to be a better woman today than I was yesterday. Just because I am wearing green and hidden from society inside this cell does not make me a monster or a bad lady. It’s giving me time to heal and be a new, more beautiful woman every day moving forward. I am not what I’ve been through. Thank you for listening to my story.

 

Eric, 30

Eric, 30

Meet Eric..

She was unique and beautiful on a celestial level, and I was privileged to have been humbled and tamed by such an amazing woman.”

Eric, 30

Incarcerated: 12 years

Housed: San Quentin, California

At times in our relationship, I felt all kinds of emotions about her, but I didn’t know how to tell her in person. She treated me kindly and loved me in ways I had never seen or felt before. This beautiful poem was inspired by my amazing fiance, Ana. I want the world to know how much she means to me through my words, plus I want her to know I truly love her. 

That Special Beauty

My temperament made some people uncomfortable, but it inspired confidence and trust. The geometry of domestic simple life is what I crave. So much of the time, we all live out our existence, each at the center of our own stories. They say good music evokes an emotional response that triggers a memory—excited by her eroticism. I owned up to the attraction of her beauty and intensity. The vision, the brilliance of mind, the compassion, there was something extraordinary about this woman. Great minds are rare; great hearts are even rarer. Knowing her is a blessing. I spoke her name like a whispered supplication. She was magical, a free spirit, my opposite in every way. I never knew someone could kiss in a different language, but she could. She is soft with concern and full of understanding. Beautiful in her delivery, warm, wet, and necessary as water. She frightens me on more levels than I knew I had, feeling resonated through her as if she’d spoken. I had trouble getting enough oxygen in her presence. She was unique and beautiful on a celestial level, and I was privileged to have been humbled and tamed by such an amazing woman.

Happy Valentines Day, Ana.

Eric

 

Jared, 40

Jared, 40

Meet Jared and Artemis..

“Introducing dogs into an environment that, at times, could be incredibly depressing and hopeless has brought about a transformative change in our community. Simply put, it has brought us all a touch of humanity.”

Jared, 40

Incarcerated: 10 years

Housed: San Quentin

Canine Companions is a non-profit that has been providing service dogs to people in need at no charge to them. These highly trained service dogs will help their lucky recipient navigate their life by performing many tasks, including retrieving dropped items off the floor, hitting elevator buttons, turning on and off lights, or simply being there to wake them up during a nightmare. We receive these dogs for training at 16 weeks old and have them for one year. My dog was one of the first puppies here, and his name is Artemis. Artemis will leave me for professional training in April of this year. While at San Quentin, we teach the puppies 32 commands and proper social etiquette, including house manners and how to greet people and other animals. We also train them to walk correctly on a leash, even in a wheelchair. The impact these puppies have had on not only the ones directly involved but the population as a whole is staggering. Introducing dogs into an environment that, at times, could be incredibly depressing and hopeless has brought about a transformative change in our community. Simply put, it has brought us all a touch of humanity. We started with two dogs in April of 2023 and have since grown to six dogs. I am so grateful to be a part of this life-changing program and hope others get involved. We are behind these walls for the crimes we have committed, and I am awarded this opportunity to give back in an enormous way.

 

Chase, 28

Chase, 28

Meet Chase and Wendel..

“He is changing so many lives in here, he has definitely changed mine, and I can’t wait until he changes somebody’s life out there as a service dog.”

Chase, 28

Incarcerated: 9 years

Housed: San Quentin

Wendel is a 13-month-old black Lab Golden Retriever mix. He is a service dog in training with an organization called Canine Companions. I am one of Wendel’s San Quentin Puppy Program puppy raisers. We received Wendel when he was a four-month-old puppy and were tasked with caring for, socializing, and training him on fundamental cues. We are also paired with outside puppy raisers that give Wendel the socialization we can not provide behind these walls—things like going on car rides or to the grocery store. So far, Wendel has done excellent in the program and brought so much positivity to the incarcerated population and the staff here at San Quentin. He is changing so many lives here; he has definitely changed mine, and I can’t wait until he changes somebody’s life out there as a service dog. Wendel brings humanity to many lives, and his journey is just beginning.

 

Carol, 52

Carol, 52

Meet Carol..

“I feel like I have been in prison all his life and I need to make up for all of that.”

Carol “C”, 52

Incarcerated: 15 years

Housed: Nebraska Correctional Center for Women, York

I am serving a 20 year sentence and am a cool fly person. The crime I am charged with is manslaughter but this doesn’t mean I need to be a bad person or keep getting persecuted. I have one son living and a son who passed away while I’ve been here. I lost my grandmother and my father while I’ve been in here too. I have lost so much being in prison, but gained a lot by meeting true people. I have spent my time taking classes here not wasting it. I am also a spiritual person, God is my higher power and one guy I need in my life. I plan to get a degree in business and want to start three businesses when I get out: a flour company, a food truck and a lawn care service to help the elderly. I hope to give money to the children’s hospital, pet rescue center and a homeless shelter. I want my victim’s family to know that I am sorry for all that I have caused and the pain. I know that I can’t say any amount of anything because of the anger I have caused their family. All I can say is, please have forgiveness in your soul. I have forgiven myself and I can’t bring back your family member. But I have changed my life for the better. The classes I have taken have made me realize that I have self worth and I don’t need to beat myself up any longer over any crime or my life. I have lost enough myself too. If anyone can forgive me for anything it’s my son, who lost the most out of all of this. I feel like I have been in prison all his life and I need to make up for all of that.

 

Travis, 33

Travis, 33

Meet Travis and Wendel..

“It is softening my heart in a hard place.”

Travis “Milkbone”, 33

Incarcerated: 11 years

I’ve been at San Quentin for three years, and since then, I’ve been fortunate enough to be in the dog program. My dog, Wendel, is one of the first to arrive here. Although I haven’t been training him since he first came here, I definitely care about him and his future as a service dog. Many inmates in this program have their reasons for wanting to be a part of this program. As for me, I have a nephew who is mentally disabled and in foster care because of his parent’s battle with addiction. Since I’m a replacement trainer, it’s more like Wendel is teaching me. I usually just reinforce what he already knows and bond with him. It is softening my heart in a hard place. He graduates on April 5th and then goes on to professional training. It’ll be sad, but I know he is going to help a person like my nephew, and I helped play a part in that. Thank you to Canine Companions for bringing their program here.

 

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