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John, 64

John, 64

Stories

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Meet John…

My fear is that I will not get a second chance to use all I know after prison.

John, 64
Incarcerated: 28 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I thought I was going to be a great father. Turns out I was wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I was a great provider for my wife and two kids. I kept a roof over their heads. They got everything they needed, except for me. I had a great job, but it required me to work overtime, not just a few hours a week but sixteen hour shifts four to five days a week. I enrolled in a carpenters apprenticeship school and learned the trade at 18. I worked as a pipefitter during the winter months. I learned a great deal about pipefitting and plumbing. With some instructions from other welders, I became a state certified welder. That was a big day for me!

I believe if I had grown up with a fathers guidance, it would have turned out totally different. Life was hard growing up. I was abused by different men and women that my mom would bring home from time to time. I was lost. All I wanted to do was get away as soon as possible. I’m sorry to say it was no different for my older sisters. I left home at the age of 16. I worked odd jobs here and there with my uncle. I got married at 18. How did I get through all these hours? I got turned on to meth. It was at that moment my life changed forever. I became a different person. It led to all my troubles. When I fell, I fell hard.

I’ve been incarcerated for 28 years now. I’ve often thought about paroling and what I would do. My greatest fear and why I’m writing is to share my fears about life after prison. With all my skills and knowledge about pipefitting, carpentry, plumbing, welding and general supervision. I fear there won’t be anyone out there to hire me. I have a lot to contribute to someone that would give me a second chance. Who out there would want to hire a 67 year old parolee?

Robin, 39

Stories

Meet Robin…

I have many flaws, insecurities, thinking errors, and so much guilt and shame, yet everyday I try to do better, to be better.

Robin, 39
Incarcerated: 5 years
Housed: Federal Correctional Unit, Waseca, Maine

“No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light.”

I am not sure where this quote came from or when I first heard it but this is what gets me through the day. This is not my first time in prison and I’m not going to lie, there is quite a bit of darkness in me. I am an addict in every sense of the word whether it is drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, exercise, money or any other form of instant gratification, I struggle on a good day. I have many flaws, insecurities, thinking errors, and so much guilt and shame, yet everyday I try to do better, to be better. I have been to a state prison in Michigan and this Texas federal prison is a different world. This place is ruled by a cash app and exclusivity. Probably the hardest things to get here is treatment, programming or an education, yet everyday I stay positive and focus on that spark of light. I am a mother of three beautiful children and my dream is to show them I can overcome anything, that they are worth fighting for and that my mistakes don’t have to define me. I work in education in the morning and I am a math tutor for GED students in the afternoon. I facilitate adult continuing education. I love to learn and I am trying to find a way to get a degree. I want to want to be good. It is hard with a long sentence to see light at the end of the tunnel or to find a reason to care. There are times when I embrace my darkness and like it, but I always find my way back to the light.

Doraine, 66

Doraine, 66

Stories

Meet Doraine…

Prison is not designed to change a person; only you have the power to change yourself; you have to want to succeed.

Doraine, 66
Incarcerated: 5 years
York Correctional Institution, Niantic, Connecticut

I am a gospel singer behind the walls with locked doors and razor wires. Here I became the executive-producer of a gospel CD titled, “Raise the Praise, Live In Concert.” Our gospel group have been nominated seven times by Holla Back Gospel Music Awards with CEO Mr. Jerry Green. I have won several music awards including the McDonald Gospelfest Music Guinness Award by the legendary, Cece Houston, the late music icon, Whitney Houston’s mother.

I am not defined by my accused crime, I am not a number. I have learned I can prosper in the worst conditions; I am a survivor! Mary K. Blige’s producer, Edwin Ramos, assisted in building a recording studio behind these prison walls. Prison is not designed to change a person; only you have the power to change yourself; you have to want to succeed. You can be liberated and succeed and never forget where there is hope, there is purpose. To every reader, never give up!

Timothy, 46

Timothy, 46

Stories

Meet Timothy…

I wanted to remember my mom with good memories, and the good person she was.

Timothy, 46
Incarcerated: 27 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, CA

The Butterfly
The butterfly represents
Your beauty,
Your beauty carries love.
Don’t let nobody take your love away,
And you will always be beautiful!

Her Majestic Dignity
This poem is to honor my mom, who passed away from cancer. I was in a prison while she was dying of colon and cervical cancer. Even though she was really sick, she still didn’t want me to worry about her. She told me to make her a list and she’d send me a package, which I’d never gotten before. She told me, “Jesus had healed me.” But my sister said, “What are you thinking? She has no hair. She’s dying.” The package never came, but a dark time did. I went into solitary confinement where I was really depressed. I started doing an enhanced outpatient program and with classes and medication, I got to a better place. I wanted to remember my mom with good memories, and the good person she was. She raised four kids by herself, and she did the best she could, what was needed.

Arise, for your highness is now here.
Do favoreth honor and fear.
For her, within all purity is absolute royalty.

Excellent in appearance, such glorious beauty to behold,
Her countenance is of greater radiance than shiny gold.
The splendor of her mighty acts tell all
Her great fame and strong pride mounts up in triumph.
No soul could ever forget such a victorious name.

Her greatest grandeur
Not the ornament of her beauty compared to shiny gold.
Nor is it her majesty’s strength which is exceedingly more
Powerful in abundance being multiplied more than a hundred fold.

Nay, the glory of her greatness,
You’ve seen it a thousand times over,
tis, that true heart she possess –
for you and for me.
I call it
Her majestic dignity.

Diana, 45

Diana, 45

Stories

Meet Diana…

I neglected myself and society as a whole, I couldn’t bear it. I took a step forward to change and I went against the odds.

Diana, 45
Incarcerated: 7 years
Housed: California Institution for Women, Corona, CA

I was five when my little brother and I were given our first drink of alcohol by my mom and dad. My upbringing was full of fear and anxiety. My dad was in and out of prison and abusive. All I saw was dysfunction. My mom tried to be a single parent and raised us in heartbreak, gang infested, poverty. At five I started running away from the lack of love and security in my life. For the lack of love, I grew up seeking it in relationships.

I settled down at 14, domesticated. I stayed home doing the wifely things, when I should’ve been in school, being educated. My own family was still upside-down as I tried to do all I could to help. Alcohol was my go to, before you know it, it was my all. At 18, I went to prison for the first time, scared and lonely. I couldn’t cope with the drastic mistake that changed my whole life. I became a person I never intended to be. In 2016, I was arrested again, this time I was broken into a million pieces. I neglected myself and society as a whole, I couldn’t bear it.

I took a step forward to change and I went against the odds. For the last seven years, I’ve been highly proactive in my personal self development and it’s permanent. I knew I wouldn’t remain in a life I wasn’t ever meant to live. I owe a lot to this community, they have tons of resources, education, jobs, self help groups , you name it. I feel like they are here to rebuild me from the inside-out. I want to build a bridge back to society and re-enter as an asset. My inner and outer freedom is priceless.

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