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Alyce, 71

Alyce, 71

Stories

Meet Alyce…

For five days I was never given water. I was placed in a rehabbed storage room with no bathroom. I was escorted, sick with covid, to a public bathroom.

Alyce, 71
Incarcerated: 7 years
Housed: Corona, California

I was sent to the triage and treatment area because I was exhibiting Covid symptoms. I tested positive. A doctor I didn’t know was on the phone ordering I be sent to the Riverside University Hospital because of my age and being a high medical risk. Because of previous experience at that hospital, I emphatically refused to go. I signed a refusal. I was then placed in the correction treatment center. In doing so, the person in charge came to me to discuss my Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order and  my contact information to inform my sister, in case I was sent to the hospital. The next day, going for x-rays I collapsed into unconsciousness. I was told by nurses that I became unresponsive, I was seizing and had quit breathing. I don’t know what life-saving measures were taken, but when I opened my eyes, there was a room full of people around me. A man that looked like a doctor was congratulating a lady for her quick action. When I next came to, I was in an ambulance and life-saving measures were being implemented. My DNR was ignored… again. When I came to again, I found out I was in Riverside University Hospital. I demanded to be sent back to prison and signed the refusal… twice, but it did not happen. The treatment there was outrageous.

For five days I was never given water. I was placed in a rehabbed storage room with no bathroom. I was escorted, sick with covid, to a public bathroom. I had to wear my street clothes the entire stay, and was never allowed to bathe, wash my face or hands. I was made to suffer with a migraine for 13 hours before they would give me a prescription. I demanded to be sent back to prison. I removed my own I.V. never saw food and did not see a single person until the next day. The doctor finally sent me home to prison. On my way out of the basement I saw beds lined end-to-end in the hallways, full of other inmates, homeless people, itinerant workers, mentally ill and children! Who does this? I have never seen anything like this in my life or have been treated this horribly. I’ve met several other inmates who met the same fate there. Why is this allowed? That’s what I want to know.

Mohamud, 24

Mohamud, 24

Stories

Meet Mohamud…

I can’t change my past decision or where I came from, but I change where I am going.

Incarcerated: 3 years
Housed: Northpoint Training Center, Burgin, Kentucky

I am a single father to a beautiful boy who means the world to me. I love him unconditionally.

My relationship with my son is unbearable, I can’t even explain how much I love and miss him every single day and night. Family means a lot to me, my son, my sister and brother who have been by my side since day one and we talk every weekend. My siblings and I share a strong relationship and are very close. The most important things I miss about being outside is my son, working, going to school and taking care of my family like any father and real men do. To me, all women are beautiful regardless of their height, weight, color, race, religion etc. I respect and love them all. While behind this wall, one thing I’d like to change is how I lived. I lived a double life and I got caught up in street life. I am thankful that I am the only person in my family that graduated college. I became a licensed medical technologist. Education is the key to success and with knowledge the sky’s the limit. I will keep educating myself and taking college courses. I try to be as happy as I can, smile, be positive and take it day by day. I hope to be able to go back to my family and never ever leave them again. I can’t change my past decision or where I came from but I change where I am going. God willing, I will make myself a better human, father and son.

Robert, 63

Robert, 63

Stories

Meet Robert…

Over the next two days I thought of the life I had wasted. I had been so caught up in self-pity and addiction that I wasn’t able to see the kindness in front of me. I made a commitment in that dry cell to change, no drugs or breaking prison rules. I am proud to say life is better than ever. 

Incarcerated: 13 yrs
Housed: Wildwood Correctional Facility, Kemai, Alaska

At seven I learned if I stole candy and shared, I would be accepted. The more I did, the more confident I became. My father was physically abusive to my mother and all of her five children. She divorced him, worked two jobs without any help from him. I grew up without any adult supervision. At eight I was sent to a reform school. To this day I can hear the staff saying, “No one cares about you. Your mommy doesn’t want you, stop being a cry baby.” At 30, incarcerated again, I asked my mom why she sent me away, “Miho, I didn’t want to, I didn’t know what else to do. The judge said if I went before the court one more time for you stealing, he would take all five of you from me. I’m sorry.” I had silent tears rolling down my face. Men don’t cry, another false belief that negatively impacted my life. I was in my 20s before I learned to read. I never fit in, always in the shadows. My relationships were all based on sex and drugs. My breakthrough moment came while I was sitting in a ‘dry cell’ no running water, no toilet, no bunk, just a mattress on the floor. I was placed in a long sleeve jumpsuit with the zipper in the back. Sleeves, legs and ankles zip-tied and duct-taped. I had to urinate. I banged on the cell door and a sergeant yelled, “We don’t cater to drug dealers and addicts. Piss on yourself.” The pain got so bad that every time my heart beat it sent a sharp pain to my bladder. I cried, “God please help me.” That was the last thing I remember before awakening from the most peaceful sleep I’d ever had. Over the next two days I thought of the life I had wasted. I had been so caught up in self-pity and addiction that I wasn’t able to see the kindness in front of me. I made a commitment in that dry cell to change, no drugs or breaking prison rules. I am proud to say life is better than ever. I do not express disappointment in self-destructive ways. I carve fossil ivory, whale bone, and antlers to donate to non-profit organizations. I simply take another deep breath and ask God for his calming peace. You know, just like He did in the dry cell seven years and six months ago.

Christopher, 57

Christopher, 57

Stories

Christopher, 57

Meet Christopher…

I came to San Quentin with my bag of hate and prejudices fully intact. Not really thinking of change. I’m not saying Moe is solely responsible for opening my eyes, but he became part of the solution, not the problem. Moe became my best friend and I am still blessed by his presence.

Incarcerated: 21 years
There have been many ups and downs and too many faces for my limited memory. However, there was one gentleman who got past my concrete exterior and took up residence in my heart. Mr. Darnell “Moe” Washington. I’m not a person who uses words like ‘friend’ freely. I have two friends counting Moe, and I am not easily impressed. He was easy to see in a world of back-stabbing cut-throats, a man speaking from his heart, humbly offering to shake my hand. I was impressed. I came to San Quentin with my bag of hate and prejudices fully intact. Not really thinking of change. I’m not saying Moe is solely responsible for opening my eyes, but he became part of the solution, not the problem. Moe became my best friend and I am still blessed by his presence. After reading Moe’s posting, he once again inspired me to write to you. I have been resisting in writing to you with the belief I deserve more. I am constantly challenged by my own inadequacies and the feelings that surface. I’ve been in a funk. I would like to make a small gesture – with one hand I connect to my heart and with the other I reach out to the world. To all who can find at least one thing, about themselves, no matter how big or small, that you can be proud of. I send you my gratitude. Through you I aspire to be better.

 

April 13, 2023
Like many of us my childhood was filled with traumas that shaped the decisions I’ve made and the person we became. When I was eight years old I was hospitalized with thyroid disease. I began to gain weight uncontrollably, and soon was the fat kid with no friends. The negative self-talk had me believing I was unworthy and unlovable. This coupled with any other insecurities caused me to have an unhealthy need for acceptance. I had destructive friendships and toxic relationships. For many of my adult years I believed myself to be broken. If life was going good I would destroy it, and if it was bad I made it worse, this was my pattern. Unfortunately I left a wife and child in the wake of my destruction, a burden of guilt I carry every day. At the beginning of this term of incarceration I continued to dwell in my pain and insecurities, making bad choices. I eventually became a resident of San Quentin and soon found out I could drop the mask and figure out who I really am. I began to expose myself to positive programs a little at a time because even though I wanted a better life I still believed myself undeserving. My light-bulb moment came when I attended my first Restorative Justice Symposium. Everything about sitting in that circle made me uncomfortable because it was foreign to me. Most of that day is a blank to me but my ears and my heart opened when I heard this phrase: “hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people.” I wasn’t broken after all and there was a reason for my destructive behavior. I hurt myself and others because I was a hurt person. This became the fuel that fed my desire to be a better man. I’ve unloaded a lot of baggage since then and processed many unresolved issues. I am far from perfect and still have some struggles but today my response to life’s challenges won’t complicate my life further.

William, ‘Peedie Weedie’, 35

Stories

Meet William, ‘Peedie Weedie’…

Truth be told, I’ve never been anything more than just a pothead.

Incarcerated: 20 years
Housed: Mark Stiles Unit – Beaumont, Texas

I’ve never been anything like a real big and bad serious gangster or anything like that. At 19 I got caught up dealing and messing around with a guy that meant me no good. I had lost my job, out of desperation for money, I let him talk me into hitting up a restaurant. Truth be told, I’ve never been anything more than just a pothead. Real deal – I haven’t been with a woman in over 15 years. I was a dad before I left. If a man was able to be intimate with his wife at least once a year, it just might lower the divorce rate or motivate a brother to stay out of trouble.

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