I’ve taught myself, instead of reacting to situations, act on them. To think before I act.
Housed: Statesville Correctional Center, Joliet, Illinois
I’ve been talking to men the past 30 years and it’s hard to share your feelings with guys in this place. My mom lives in Michigan so I haven’t seen her in 30 years. We talk on the phone two times a week. I have never had a visit which is sad. Recently I’ve tried reaching out to my kids, two daughters, 31 and 36 and my son, 37. I’ve got grandkids I’ve never met and might not ever meet. I don’t know what to say to my kids. I just got back into their lives in 2020 and it’s been strange. We don’t know one another and it’s hard to write because my hands are shot. I have a tablet, so we can email but they haven’t done it and that’s what hurts knowing I have any kind of future with my kids. I filed a clemency petition last year and getting it scares me more than being turned down. I have no place to go and some nights that keep me up, but I have to lift my spirits up and stay strong. Nobody got me here but myself so I blame myself for all the wrong choices I’ve made in my life. I’ve taught myself, instead of reacting to situations, act on them. To think before I act. I have tested positive twice for Covid but never got sick. But I feel blessed, four of my friends didn’t make it. I shed a lot of tears for them. During these Covid times, please stay safe.