The images of my helpless baby keep me awake. I don’t like to get into relationships. I push people away. I’m still afraid of being hurt again.
I gave birth to a beautiful premature baby girl. I was in a very bad relationship. A custody battle began between me and her father, Fernando, three months into her life. She had spent the night with him. We had court the next day to finalize custody. She was brought to me three hours before court. All but dead. We called 911. My older four kids were freaking out. She died in my arms seven times before the ambulance arrived. She was life-flighted and put in the ICU. She could no longer fight. X-rays and a toxicology screening said she had heroin, meth, and Nyquil in her system. Every bone in her body from her collarbone to her tiny toes was broken. She had crack pipe burns on her neck and was bleeding internally. That was when I literally lost myself. I stopped taking care of my kids and myself. I started working for really bad people. I became known as a Tax Collector. People who didn’t pay their debts got to meet me. I was a mean person. I was eventually caught with stolen items. I’m here on a burglary charge. The images of my helpless baby keep me awake. I don’t like to get into relationships. I push people away. I’m still afraid of being hurt again. I am ready to make friends and socialize. I hope to meet new people.
