People change with time and time changes people. Some change for the better, some for the worse. Some won’t change because they give up on life. But hard work always pays off in the long run.
I’m not proud of being in prison at all. That’s why I wrote my true little short story about my lifestyle growing up, and how I did. This is not gang writing at all. I call it shading. When I was a youngster, looking at something like this kind of handwriting caught my attention. That way, someone might want to check it out or see what it’s all about. When they’re done reading this, they might get something important out of it. At the same time, I’m paying back all of society for all the wrong I’ve done in my past. If this could help at least one person, it was worth it. If I would’ve known then, what I know now, I would’ve chased a better lifestyle. But I chose a shortcut. I got cut short. Now, I take full responsibility for all of my actions due to my view on life and society. No one is born a gang member or killer. We all have the same potential to make wise, good decisions. But some of us like to take shortcuts and sooner or later, we always get cut short. It’s either life in prison or in a black body bag. You feel me?
I was raised in the Bay Area, on the South Side of Richmond. I was once a good kid. But one bad day in the summer of 1995. I saw the movie American Me. I had just finished elementary school. From that moment, I lost all my innocence. I couldn’t wait to be a gang member. I was gullible. There was no more room in my life for anything else. I spent my whole life trying to prove to the world that I was a VATO. To me, being a gang member was a lot better than being the President of the United States. In the barrio, we live by these rules:
- Yoke or be yoke.
- Dominate or be dominated.
- Intimidate or be intimidated.
- Kill or be killed.
That was my daily lifestyle. I let Hollywood get the best of me. They’re just actors. They go home every day. I was living in a fantasy. Prison actually saved my life. I’ve been in many life-and-death situations. I put in work for people who didn’t care if I lived or died. I ask my whole family tree for their forgiveness. I’m mad at myself for everything I put them through. Nobody knows how I feel inside. Thanks to Jehovah, who is also God, I’m still alive. I don’t know why, but Jehovah works in mysterious ways. I respect all religions, but I’m into the word of Jehovah now because I’m tired of putting in work for Satanas, the devil the father of all lies.
Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, and I see I’m in my state blues. I know I’m paying back society. I’m not proud of being in prison, but I accept it. I could die here, and I’m OK with it. They can trap my body, but not my mind. I’ve learned to read and write in both English and Spanish, something I never thought I’d do. Growing up, I thought school was only for squares. I thought all I needed was how to use a scale and count money. That’s how ignorant I used to be. Now I know education is the key to success. I gave my whole family a bad name, and I live with that pain every day.
This isn’t from the Bible, it’s from me:
“People change with time and time changes people. Some change for the better, some for the worse. Some won’t change because they give up on life. But hard work always pays off in the long run.”
We always have a choice to do what’s right or wrong. At the end of the day, the choice is only yours.
The prison is my city.
The day room is my community.
The cell is my house.
And I’ve made my bed already.
