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I love you, son! I miss you and your sister so much. Being behind bars without you both has made me a sad dad.

My son and I were in the second row, close to the cage. I was thrilled. We were hanging out, watching live cage fights, cheering on a team member in the ring. It was one of the best times I’ve ever spent with him.

We drove together like best buds, talking about the fights, analyzing the fighters. Our conversation flowed between father and son, friend and coach. Our bond was so strong that night, without any issues. We enjoyed each other’s company, the desert night sky, stopping by Carl’s Jr. for burgers, and talking about how cool it was to experience an event like that together.

That night motivated me to get back into the cage and stay alcohol-free. By April 2015, I went from 245 pounds back down to 185, after 13 years of just working and not training—other than teaching.

My son changed my life with our bond. I love you, son! I miss you and your sister so much. Being behind bars without you both has made me a sad dad. I understand how hard it must be to choose between your dad or your mom, both of us having been part of your life equally. Now, the home and parents who were once together are no longer, and as confusing as that is, I’m the one who’s gone while your mom remains in the same home I provided for us.

Thanksgiving and Christmas will never be the same. Video games, chess, family time—all gone. Good food, laughs, and Friday night SmackDown—gone. I’ve got just a few more years until I’m out. Do you hate me? Love me? Will I be the dad you wanted, or do you stay loyal to mom?

What happens when I’m released? There are people waiting for me to get out and invest in me so I can continue in the fight game, though not as a fighter anymore. I’ll get paid for scouting and bringing ideas to the table and my star will never stop shining because I won’t quit on myself or on you two.

Remember all the years of happiness we shared, how you never had to worry about money or rent. Dad’s honest work will return when I’m free. Good times lie ahead. United and strong, with my son and daughter by my side, nothing will stop us until we reach the top—our new memories together, with my “young worm” and my princess.

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