I’m not God to take anyone’s life.
So I will give back because no woman or man deserves to be abused.
Time Machine
Wherever you’re at, I hope you’re resting in peace.
As for me, I still think about you.
I know there’s no such thing as a time machine, so I can’t go back to December 21, 2013.
But if I could, I would’ve done my best to ask for help and would’ve handled the situation differently.
I’m sorry for hurting you.
I’m sorry for leaving your kids without their father.
I know what it’s like to grow up without a father, and I know that kind of hurt. I’m sorry.
I also know that God allows things to happen in our lives because that’s the only way we, me, you, them, can truly learn.
When I tell people about December 21, 2013, I say, “I lost some of me.”
I lost who I was because I took the life of the man I shared a bed and a home with.
But no one deserves to be abused. My whole life, I’ve been abused.
I will tell you this:
It is now my mission to help people who are experiencing domestic violence,
so they feel heard and know they are not alone.
Still Adjusting My Crown
As I was given a 20-year sentence, I took the time to better myself.
Not saying I don’t make mistakes but I’m still learning so much about myself and life itself.
Things have changed. My time has stopped.
But I still hear the clock
“Tick Tock – Tick Tock.”
My brothers always told me:
“Do the time, don’t let the time do you.”
That’s stuck with me to this day.
I’m still making mistakes, still apologizing to those I’ve hurt, and learning to be okay in my own skin.
I will keep trying. I won’t give up.
I’ll keep helping myself and others, because that’s just who I am.
I want to be able to go back and reread my own chapters
without feeling like I want to set all my pages on fire.
The time of my life has just begun.
I’m still adjusting my crown—still, to this day.
And the clock is still ticking:
“Tick – Tock – Tick – Tock.”
Is it time for me to give up everything I’ve worked for?
Or is it time for me not to change, but to mold myself to the best of my abilities?
Situations aren’t meant to break us
They’re meant to help us grow, to learn, and not give up.
To allow our mistakes to cross our paths for the better
To help us continue to move forward,
And to thank our Creator for how far we’ve come.
The clock is still ticking
I’m moving on to the next chapter of my life.
I’m still doing my time, but I’m not letting the time do me.
I’ll keep learning, keep throwing away everything that doesn’t belong in my life.
Hey ladies I’m still adjusting my crown.
So please don’t judge me when I make a mistake
Because nobody is perfect. Not today.
Tick – Tock – Tick – Tock.
My time is almost done.
And I’ll look back and say,
“Wow, look at me now.”
