I’m from Michigan. I have two sons and 17 grandchildren there, with no family or friends here. I’ve never had a visit and am not even considered a resident of California. With that, life can be quite lonely.
I get along fairly well with people here and try to maintain a positive attitude while programming in various activities. I’ve spent most of my time playing my guitar and writing songs. I’ve always been a poet, but learning to play the guitar has opened up a new avenue I want to pursue.
Essence Goldman and her “Finding Your Voice” program here have been a “diamond in the rough” for me in pursuing that goal. I want to share with you the lyrics of two songs I’ve written inspired by her class. The first tells a veiled story of how I came to be incarcerated in California, and the second, a subject I enjoy writing songs about, soul-mates.
I’ve been clean and sober for over 30 years now, and I take great pride in that fact. The only problem with that is the fact that the first twenty years of my life after I got out of the service were spent drinking and drugging to try and forget my experience in the military.
It wasn’t until I was incarcerated that I was first diagnosed with PTSD as a direct result of my military service. Today, I am a far better man and have achieved much progress through self-help. I can honestly say that coming to prison has been a good thing for me. I hope the parole board will let me prove that someday.
The Swim
She stood staring into the mist, desperately trying to see
thru the miser was there ever, even the briefest of moments
When have I ever made her happy? And as the waves gently hugged the
Shore of Lake Michigan, I took her by the hand and whispered in
Her ear, “It’s going to be okay now, Mom. It’s going to be okay.”
I was feeling all alone and tried to call you on the phone
But you don’t care anymore
Mom, it’s me, your Ne’er Do Well “ writing from a prison cell
Things just aren’t fair anymore
Cuz I was hoping to get out, hug you so, and shout out loud
“I’m not going anywhere anymore !”
Now, I don’t want to say goodbye. All I do is sit and cry
Cuz you’re not there anymore
As for myself, jumping into the water and swimming for Wisconsin seemed the logical thing to do, already drowning in
Guilt with a coin in my pocket for the one-way trip into Hades
Succumbing to the dark abyss of the big lake so my mom could walk
Into the light of day would be a legend for tomorrow
When we touched hands through that glass, and you forgave me for my past
I didn’t despair anymore
Cuz no matter what my future held, you’d be there, Mom. I felt
Life’s not fair anymore
So I write this message Mom to you and Dad if he’s there too
I’m just not scared anymore
And when he finally comes along ole death, he’ll hear this song
No need for prayer anymore
As the mist cleared to reveal sunlight sparkling on the
water as far out as our eyes could see; I told my mom goodbye
And swam for the opposite shore.
Don’t Drink From The Water of Lethe
Life’s had some pleasures and pain for you
While I’ve watched your rising star
N’ for me, I wish it could be true
But for one moment, be where you are
Yet darling, only one life we’ve lived
Has that ever been the case
And the tears I shed every life they give
Broken heart lines on every face
When you told me you’d love me forever
Through eternity, we’d never part
My soul made a vow that I’d never
Give anyone else my heart
Now, each life dear, it seems when I follow
Your love stays just out of reach
And I’m down on my knees, crying out loud
“Why’d you drink from the Waters of Lethe?”
Souls travel to Earth to experience birth
Many lessons are here to be learned
Divided in two, one became me, and you
But to drink then forget loves a cure
Your voice and your songs are forever
The very essence of love throughout time
And darling, I pray that you’ll never
Suffer any life as hard as mine
So, for now, I guess I’ll just “be” here
Impatient for our next time around
Hoping maybe then you’ll hear, dear
“I’ll always love you in the words of this song.”
When you told me you’d love me forever
For eternity, we’d never part
My soul made a vow that I’d never
Give anyone else my heart
Now, each life dear, it seems when I follow
Your love stays just out of reach
And I’m down on my knees, crying out loud
“Why’d you drink from the Waters of Lethe?”
Yes, for now, dear, I guess I’ll just stay here
Wait impatient for our next time around
So on to drink from the Waters of Lethe, dear
So the love that we’ve lost can be found.
