I would say to the camera, try your best to do the right thing out there because being in here may seem okay, and people might go home.
But there’s people like Kayla or Felicia who have done like 20-30 years and they finally made it here, but they still had to go through hard times in a maximum security. There was nothing no one could tell me when I first came in. If I felt like something bothered me, I would just react, and that’s just not the way. People take your kindness for weakness.
I don’t have issues with the girls. If they get me mad, I have that one friend that keeps me sane. Even if I have to argue with her, or we curse each other out, her goal is, “Listen, you’re better than that. Keep yourself calm, you’re going home, look at me, I have to go to a board. I have life. I don’t have a say-so, I don’t have a date. I have to go to someone and speak to them and say I’m trying to fight for my life and convince them that I have changed. You don’t have to do that, so why get upset?” I snap back quickly. At the same time I’m very emotional- I smile, but I hate it.
I hate state prison. It’s not for women -or men- but female women we’re emotional. I wish the corrections would understand that. When we have to be locked in for hours on end, alone, those times in our cells are hard.
We might come out and smile and fix our hair, but when you’re in there, it’s deep. You start thinking about a lot. No one knows that, especially with me. Some people get away with whatever they want, but they’re still miserable.
I try to put a smile on my face with all the hardship that I go through. Prison’s not the place to be. Especially for people who have no help, it’s even harder, they’re even angrier. You’re away from your family. You have to do it right when you’re out there. You have to appreciate every little thing that you have. Just try to do it right.
We have to follow the rules in prison, follow the law at home. Because if not, you’ll be in here, stuck, and it’s their way, not your way, it’s not your house, it’s their house. You have to do the right thing. You would never want to take your freedom away so someone else can tell you what to do. How to sit, how to stand, who to sit next to, who to talk to… you don’t want someone to have that power over you. You want to be able to run your world.
