Diane: How are you?
Mark: Hello, how are you?
Diane: I’m great, it’s so nice to talk to you as a free man.
Mark: I know it.
Diane: How is it being free?
Mark: I haven’t had the smoothest reentry, like a lot of people do. Me and my daughter’s mom are no longer together. I still have major respect for her. We originally met through one of my cousins,started talking and everything went from there. I met her a week after her 21st birthday, and three weeks later she got pregnant. I had just come out of a long-term relationship and we talked, and we’re like – “we’re going to make it work for the baby.” Months after that, I caught this case. We had our ups and downs and we never actually got divorced. We always ended up back together and then separating. Once my mom died, I only had her to rely on. I don’t know, but I think she had control issues before my mom passed away.
Diane: Tell me about the day you were released.
Mark: My ex-wife Amy, who lives in Oregon, picked me up with our two boys, who are 16 and 18. I got to stay with them in an Airbnb the first three weeks I was out.
Diane: Oh, that’s great. Were you able to see your daughter?
Mark: Yeah, definitely, but it was a pain in the butt getting her mom to help.
Diane: Where did you go after the Airbnb?
Mark: I was supposed to be staying with my uncle, who’s an old military guy. He owns a whole bunch of crazy stuff including machine guns. When the parole officer came over, I wasn’t there and my uncle went into his gun safe and started pulling out choppers and AK’s. I didn’t know this was taking place, so the parole officer called and said, “I think we’re gonna have a slight problem. Mr. Kidd, you are considered dangerous and I just spoke with your uncle and he pulled out a whole bunch of crazy stuff.” I was like, “Oh My God,” I was so embarrassed. I was like, “My uncle was in the military.” He got exposed to some type of gas over there and truly was not in his right mind.
Diane: What did the parole officer do?
Mark: She said she had no choice, but had to talk about this with her supervisor. The supervisor said it might be a problem, but as long as the guns stay locked up for now it’ll work. Then she asked if I could try to find somewhere else to stay. I was still on speaking terms with my wife. So, I asked if I could at least come there and spend some time with the baby. I went over to their house, and asked her to forgive me if I got choked up. She said, I’m really not ready for you to see the house. I’m like, “What do you mean?” And we got into a fight and she raised her voice. I didn’t want any of my kids to be exposed to some of the shit that I was exposed to when I was raised, so I said we’re not going to do this. I told her, next time, when you can’t talk regularly and you want to raise your voice to shout, I’m gonna leave.
I’m in touch with my dad’s side of the family and I want to go there for Thanksgiving. We got into an argument, two days before Thanksgiving. Even after I had plans to take our daughter for part of the day, she goes, “I’m just letting you know, I’m not gonna be here for Thanksgiving. I’m taking our daughter to go see my mom in Washington.”
Diane: Ugh.
Mark: I told my wife I haven’t been able to spend a single holiday with my child my whole entire life. This would be the first holiday and you’re gonna take that from me? So you’re doing this just to be ugly and hurtful towards me.
Diane: Mark, that’s a nightmare.
Mark: I’ve been dealing with some crazy stuff back to back, but I’m better now. I have a great job with FedEx and I’m making $30 an hour.
Diane: Nice!
Mark: I needed a car and I said to my wife, “What’s your dream car? She goes, “Wow! I want a Ford Explorer!” I said, “Let’s go get you that and I’ll take your old car,” she was cool with that. We went down to this car lot and the owner just so happens to be an ex -FedEx worker. He said I don’t mind helping my FedEx brothers out, your job is your credit. We got her a 2016 Ford Explorer. I got her old car and we got into an argument. My parole agent said, “Mr. Kidd, since day one, you’ve been on top of your sh*t. You got a job, you’ve never tested dirty, and even though you’re on level four gang file, we asked you not to be in certain neighborhoods and we’ve never seen you in one. You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m letting you know, this ain’t like in 1990 when you just call and get somebody in trouble. So my ex called me and guess what she says, “Oh, you must be f*cking her too.”
Diane: Where are you living?
Mark: Once I left my uncle’s house, my aunt asked if I needed a place to stay. She lives in Elk Grove on four acres and she’s doing really well. She told me if I need anything to let me know, I’m so thankful!
Diane: She sounds like an angel. Did things cool down with your wife?
Mark: No, the worst part, the down payment for the car was $2800. I was short, so I put down $1700, and in one week of work, I will make about $1500. I said I’d be back with the rest of the money on Monday, pay that, pay the first payment, the car insurance, all that stuff. My wife then called and reported that her old car was stolen. Technically, the car was still in her name, so I had to give it back. I called the car dealership to clear my name because he was there for the whole conversation about the car. I call her back up and she says, “I’m gonna sell it.” I said, “How much are you gonna sell it for?” She goes, “I don’t know, I would like a thousand dollars.” “So basically after I’ve already paid for everything, bought you a new car, you’re going to turn around and charge me an additional thousand dollars for a car that you agreed to trade with me?”
Diane: Oh, sorry.
Mark: I started talking with my childhood friend. She said I could stay at her dad’s house. He has a car for me. I did DoorDash for extra money, slowly I was able to get back on my feet with her help. But trying to see my daughter and not being able to see my daughter was hard. Regardless of what’s going on with me and her mom, I always tell my daughter to respect her mom, you know? But it’s just hard because I know her mom.
Diane: It sounds like you take one step forward and you go five steps back. You have such a good attitude Mark, it’s inspirational.
Mark: I really had to break away. Every paycheck I send her money. My child support has always been up to date. I take care of business.
The mom of my two boys was mad because I didn’t move to Oregon, but I said, “How much do you love our sons?” She goes, “I love them with all my life. I would die for them.” I said, “If somebody asked you to live away from them would you do it?” She said “No.” I said “Well it’s the same thing that you’re asking me. You’re asking me to leave my daughter.” She said, “You don’t just have a daughter, Mark, you have sons too.” I said, “I know but my daughter is 12 and about to be 13 and our sons are 16 and 18, and I talk to them you know? They know their sister is at that crucial age and I’m not about to leave her right now. I talk to them. Nothing’s like that physical presence, but I let them know this is what I’m going through, because of the choices that I made before that are affecting my life now. So you guys learn from this, make better choices, be smarter than me, take education seriously right now, don’t wait until something happens. I never took education seriously until it was too late, but then once I did, I realized, oh, holy shit, I get straight A’s. I’m actually kind of f*cking smart once I apply myself. I share everything with them. My father wasn’t there. And I was for you guys, you know? Earlier when you guys were first born, and then there’s a big gap.”
Diane: Do you have any other kids?
Mark: I have four kids. My first born son, I’m close to him. If he were here, we’d be closer. He’s not much of a talker at all. He doesn’t like being on the phone. He likes to play his game and that’s it, so even when he comes down, I’d have to talk to him to get him to open up and stuff, but I don’t mind.
My oldest son’s mom started hitting me. She was 28 and I was 21 and we had a disagreement and she started hitting me. I was raised by a single mother seeing her beaten, so I don’t hit women. I told her if you keep raising your hands on me, I will leave you, like I don’t care if you’re pregnant. I’m not your punching bag.
I went to court before my oldest son was even born, and I filed the paperwork, and she started crying in court. I said, “I promise you I’m not gonna keep your son from you. Let’s keep the courts out of our business.” Then, she tells the court she’s been beating me, and she’s white, and at the time I probably weighed like 210 pounds and I was lifting weights. But there is a police report. I showed the judge my bruises and I said, “Your honor, this is what is going on, this is proof. This is from her throwing stuff at me. This is from her scratching me, and I am not her human punching bag, this is why I’m fed up. I want custody of our unborn child.”
After that, before my son was born, she and I weren’t talking. My mom and my grandpa called me, saying grandpa had a vision. I asked if he’d been drinking? He said yes, but I had a vision. Little Hawk is here, I said, “Who’s Little Hawk?” Yeah, your son is here. I’m so used to him being drunk, but sometimes he is right on and sometimes he just makes shit up. My mom says grandpa’s never wrong about stuff like that. So I need to find out if my son is born. We called around to the hospitals looking for her. My mom finds her at UC Davis. I called her and asked why she didn’t call me? She said, “You know how my parents are, they’re old-fashioned. I’m waiting for them to leave the hospital and I promise you can come over. I just don’t want them to know and argue, because you left me while I was pregnant.” I was like, okay, understood, so I called my mom. I’m just letting you know, we can go see the baby once her parents leave. I didn’t know that my mom was high at the time. Alcoholism runs in the family and my mom died of cirrhosis of the liver from drugs and alcohol.
So, I’m like, “Mom, just calm down.” We’re gonna see him and what does she do? She calls up my brother, who is drunk. Then, my mom and brother go to the hospital without me. I got a phone call from my son’s mom, hyperventilating. She’s crying, “Why would you do that?” I say, “What are you talking about?” She says, “Why would you send your mom and your brother over here?” I tell her I didn’t know and ask her what happened. My mom snatched the baby from her while she was breastfeeding, saying, “This is my grandson, don’t you ever tell me I can’t see my own grandson.” At that moment, her parents walk in from the cafeteria and see what’s going on. My mom gives the baby back to her and they all start fighting.
Diane: Oh my God.
Mark: Once the baby was born, her parents paid for her to go back to Maine. Last month, I picked up my older son and we went to Las Vegas. I took five days off work, and we just got to enjoy our time together.
Diane: You should evaluate each child and where they are. The three boys really need your guidance, how can you help the boys through their teenage years?
Mark: My daughter called me and said her phone was broken.They have places throughout South Sacramento where you can get a free phone under the Obama plan, and I qualify since I got out. I got this phone for my daughter and I feel good about myself. “Dad’s coming through with a nice new shiny phone.” I paid the $50 upgrade for the phone and I’m like, “Here baby this is for you.” Her mom has her back turned towards us and she turns around and says to her, “You can’t have that. You need to upgrade the phone for my phone plan and that’s like $400 to upgrade you know.” I don’t spend money like that, plus this is already paid for, I say to my daughter, “This is yours and I hope you like it.” Her mom gets up and charges at me. I don’t know what the hell she’s gonna do. She grabs the phone and throws the phone at my head. I grab the phone and I leave, so here we are three weeks later. Guess who I get a phone call from? She says, “I need you to send me a hundred dollars.”I said “a hundred dollars for what?” “For your daughter’s phone.” It’s gonna be a hundred dollars to upgrade it. I’ll pay the rest. I said “I don’t feel comfortable giving you a hundred dollars. If our daughter’s phone was so important, you wouldn’t throw it at me when I had a brand new one for her.” I said “I told you just like two days ago I’m not gonna give you more money until you let me see my daughter again.”
Diane: What a nightmare.
Mark: And she knows how I am, I’m not gonna give her money. I say, “You have money for dates, but you don’t have money for your daughter. Your priorities are f*cked up, and I’m not paying for your dates.” I’ve had these conversations with her: “You need help. I’m not a f*cking doctor. I’m not a therapist, and I’m going through a lot with my transition, and I’m trying to help you at the same time. I’m not certified to give you the help that you need. So, work with me.
I’m not a gang member anymore. I’m working. I pay taxes. I don’t want to be judged for some sh*t that I did when I was like 16.
I’m trying Diane, I’m trying.
