After taking pictures, talking, eating etc. we are listening to music and I catch myself multiple times in disbelief that I am finally free. I notice everything is changed and different and new to me.
Incarcerated: 1 year – 2nd sentence, 12 years – 1st sentence
I felt anxiety and excitement as I approached my mother’s vehicle. Shocked, I saw my father, the man who brought me into this world but who did not visit during the 12 years I was looked up.. The happiness was overwhelming. My parents say they have a surprise for me, I turn and see my brother, his lady and my niece, who I’d never met. She has a card and a drawing for me. She is so cute.
My little brother is bigger than me. We are both crying and stunned to finally be in front of one another. We stop at Jack in the Box, my favorite fast food. They drive me to a sober living home. To my surprise the people of the program say not only can I have a cell phone but to “enjoy your time with your family and friends. Curfew is usually 11, but since you did over 12 years, we’ll see you in the morning.”
We went to my cousin’s house. My brother, a talented chef makes us meat and fish. After taking pictures and talking, we are listening to music and I catch myself multiple times in disbelief that I am finally free. I notice everything is changed and different and new to me. That is the moment my fears and anxieties kick in. I stand out. I constantly need help and assistance. The stress begins.
I didn’t really think it would unfold and then cause my many relapses and emotional breakdowns. Thinking I had full control over what I was taught in self-help courses, I realize prosperity is hard for someone like me. I am a victim of bullying, shame and many other things too explicit to mention. My trust issues are worse than ever. My loneliness is here and I’m back in prison for another three years. It deepens my lack of confidence and negativity. My family and friends don’t love me back. My support system and resources are limited.
I’m left writing this story in the hopes to somehow receive love. I also want to give support to someone, so they don’t follow my path. Life here is a big melancholy maze for me. Positivity and peace be with us all. 📸: Martin’s mother Helen
