My cellie once asked, “Are you humming Barney?” I replied, “Yes, I’m thinking of my baby.”
The day I turned myself in at the police station I was with my daughter, Alexis. She was only 22 months old. I remember holding her, kissing her. We watched Barney on PBS, it was her favorite. I would sing the Barney theme song to her over and over: “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me too?” My baby knew something was wrong. She felt it. I was crying. I tried to hold back my tears, but I was all choked up. Alexis gently wiped my tears away and said, “No crying.” Then I left with my attorney. She was taken to the store, and when she came back, she cried out for me for a long time. She was too young to understand. Years later, when Alexis came of age, she chose to disown me. It’s been over 15 years since I’ve had any contact with her. I think about her every day. I often hum the Barney theme song when I’m lying in bed. My cellie once asked, “Are you humming Barney?” I replied, “Yes, I’m thinking of my baby.” Only now, I don’t have her to wipe away my tears. I’ve been away for 33 years.
