But the hope of becoming a better person and not creating more victims is what fuels my rehabilitation.
I was born in Chinautla, Guatemala. This is my story. I experienced and internalized the traumatic events of my childhood. These experiences led to the development of mental health issues that I didn’t acknowledge or seek help for, out of fear, pain, and shame. I was also afraid that others would think I was crazy. I was born into a dysfunctional home, where I was a victim of neglect and domestic violence by my mother and aunt. I didn’t understand why my mother had to leave for work at 4:30 a.m. and return home at 11:00 p.m. I felt alone, unwanted, and unloved. These feelings led me to become a rebellious teenager, breaking rules in an attempt to get her attention. My uncle was constantly high and drunk, and he regularly beat both my mother and me. At the age of five, I realized my father wasn’t in my life. I blamed my mother for his absence. At ten, I sought refuge in alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine to try to manage my feelings and trauma. By eleven, I was expelled from school for being a rebellious and violent child. I fought with my classmates and moved from school to school until I ultimately dropped out. I was a victim of abuse and sexual assault my entire childhood. I was overwhelmed with fear, pain, shame, and vulnerability. Feeling helpless, I began expressing my emotions through violence. In 2006, I made the worst decision of my life, one that destroyed the life of an innocent human who should never have had to suffer because of my selfishness, coldness, and cruelty. I am ashamed of who I was, and it pains me that I didn’t seek help sooner. Perhaps I could have prevented the harm I caused. I have now been in prison for 20 years, working hard to manage my anger and addictions. It hasn’t been easy. But the hope of becoming a better person and not creating more victims is what fuels my rehabilitation. I’m also fortunate to have an extraordinary support network that encourages me to keep going. The key to my healing has been learning to forgive myself, seeking help, maintaining emotional balance, and facilitating groups. I also serve as a Spanish-language writer for the San Quentin News. Through this platform, I hope to inspire others who are looking for healing. I know I’m not perfect, but I give my best every day to help.
With all due respect,
Rene
Original Version (Spanish)
Naci en Chinautla, Guatemala
Zona le.
Esta es mi vida y como yo vi y senti los eventos traumatieos de mi nines
Por medio de estos eventos desarrolle problema de salud mental.
Yo no admitia estos problemas ni pedia ayuda por miedo, dolor y verguenza, ademas pensaba que las personas pensarian que yo estaba loco.
Yo naci en un hogar disfunciona donde fui victima de negligencia y violencia domestica por parte de mi madre y ti.
Yo no entendia porque mi madre tenia que trabajar de 4:30 A.M y regresar a casa a las 11:00 P.M. yo me sentia solo, no querido y no amado por le que me comerti en un adolecente rebelde y no seguia las reglas para Uamar su
Atencion,
Mi tio siempre estaba drogado y alcoholisado y golpeaba a mi madre y a mi.
A, los 5 años me di cuenta que mi padre no estaba en mi vida asi que culpe a mi madre por su abando.
A la edad de 9,11,13,14 y 17 fui victima de abuso y asalto sexual. En ese momento, sentia miedo, dolor, verguenza, vulnerable indefensa por lo que decidí expresar mis sentimientos por medio de la violencia.
A los 10 años me refuie en el alcohol, marihuana y cocaina para controlar mis sentimientos y traumas.
A los 11 años fui expulsado de la escuela por ser un niño rebelde violento al pelear y golpear a mis companeros de escuela en escuela hasta que deside abandonarla
En el 2006 tome la peor decisión de mi vida, al destrui la vida de un ser humano inosente quien no debe de estar sufriendo lo que esta sufriendo por mi egoismo, frielda y cruelda me averguenzo de la persona que yo era y me duele el no haber buscado ayudo antes para prevenir el crear víctimas.
Lievo 20 años en prision donde estoy trabajando para controlar mi enojo y adicciones no a sido facil sin embargo la esperanzo de ser una mejor persona y no seguir creando mas victimas me mantienen en mi rehabilitacion.
Ademas cuento con una red de apoyo extraordinaria que me inspiran a mantenerme trabajando.
La yabe de me rehabilitacion a sido el perdonarme y buscar ayuda mantener un valance emocional facilitar groupos como CGA. AIDA. life for change soy escritor en español para el periodico de SQ news por estos medios busco inspirar a otras personas que buscan ayudo so soy perfecto sin embargo doy lo mejor de mi para ayudar
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