I wanted to create something so pleasurable that I could offer and intrigue God Almighty in His majestic throne made of sterling gold.
Incarcerated: 17 years
Housed: Correctional Training Facility, Soledad, California
Crazy Choco Locos Cookie Wheels
I wanted to create something so pleasurable that I could offer and intrigue God Almighty in His majestic throne made of sterling gold. I had to start the melodious and passionate music of Gabriela Boccelli on my old shoddy Jwin stereo (click).
I tear open (shred) a rack of mouth watering Oreo cookies.
I extract the sweet and mushy icing from each cookie with a spoon and place the icing in an empty white rice bag.
I threw the wafers (fling fling fling) in a large plastic bag, which I purchased for 45¢ Ramen soup from a building porter. I smash (crunch crunch crunch) the cookie wafers in the bulgy bag. I beat them to a pulp with my fist and palm (thud thud thud) with a king-size almond Hershey’s bar. I hurled (fling) it into the large bag. A delicious and dismembered iced Honey Bun goes into the bag as well. Here I am adding a shot of delightful Taster’s Choice coffee. *Mmm, que rico. The aroma radiating from the bag is gratifying the heavens. Before I plunge the bag of cream icing into the hot water in the hotpot, I add a small amount of margarine so the icing can soften and be pliable. I cast two syrup packets (plunge plunge) we get with lackluster pancakes on Friday mornings into the hot water. After the syrups dance stupendously in the simmering water, I cautiously take them out with my fingers (ouch ouch) and open the syrups with an extracted razor blade (I made sure I discard the blade before the tribunal court adds more time to my 297 year sentence). I’m kindly drizzling them over the exquisite blend of crumbled Oreo wafers, Hershey’s bar, Iced Honey Bun and Taster’s Choice coffee. *Ay, mi precioso Jesus! A delicious aroma is permeating the cell. Now I have to block my outstretched narrow door window because there’s singing emulation, joyous prancing, vibrant music and a sweet aroma in my cell: someone could beg for a cookie! I mix the batch by thoroughly kneading and molding it into a husky ball that looks like a chocolaty sleek dough. I hope everyone enjoys the catchy name I made up for my cookie… Crazy Choco Loco! With my right hand I’m extracting a small size ball from the dough and tailor five thick cookies by spinning them and using my fingers (squeak squeak squeak) until they are perfectly formed. I take out the liquefied icing from the red hot water in the hot pot (boil boil steam). With a spoon I’m stirring (whip whip whip) the sweet fragrant icing in the bag. I spread with glee, the scolding butter cream on top of the cookies; a sweet steamy aroma is now dancing in my velvety nose. Let’s rip open a bag of M and M’s and put them on top of the dark chocolaty cookies before the icing cools. Pardon me for my lower right lip is exuberantly quivering. We are finally finished with the process of making my phenomenal, delicious and colorful Crazy Choco Locos (angelic choir). One cookie is for me; one cookie for my cellmate; one is for the building officer whom I will give secretly; and one cookie for each mountain. I can see the two awake mountains with their radiant crowns eagerly peering through my cell window!
Crazy Choco Locos Cookie Wheels
Be sure to use an iced Honey Bun, NOT glazed.
Makes 12 cookies
12 Oreo cookies
1 Tbsp butter
4 Tbsp maple syrup
2.6-oz king-size Hershey’s Chocolate with Almonds, broken into small pieces
1 4.75-oz package iced Honey Bun
1.5 tsp brewed coffee
1 1.75-oz package M&M Plain or Peanut Candy
Separate the Oreo filling from the cookies and place the filling in a small bowl.
Crush the cookies thoroughly by placing them in a storage bag and pounding with a heavy pan, rolling pin or meat pounder.
Remove the icing from the Honey Bun and set aside in a small bowl. Tear the pastry into small pieces. In a medium bowl, combine the crushed cookies, the chocolate pieces, Honey Bun pieces, and coffee. Divide the dough into five sections and form into ½”- thick circles on a baking sheet.
Cook the cookie filling in the saucepan along with the butter and maple syrup
over low heat for about two minutes, until the icing is soft and pliable, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and add the reserved Honey Bun icing. Mix until smooth.
Divide the warm icing evenly between the cookies, spreading evenly to cover the entire surface of the cookie. Top with M&M Candies.