Todd, 36

Todd, 36

Meet Todd…

It is unnatural to me for a parent to outlive his child. Facing this harsh reality while incarcerated forced me to deal with it head-on.

Todd, 36
Incarcerated: 16 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

How do you mend a broken heart? This is a question that burns through the forefront of my mind. Everyday, I’m faced with the reality of unnatural loss. There was one event in my life that was the most unnatural, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make this situation make any sense. I’m an alcohol and drug counselor, a college graduate with a bachelor’s degree, a son, a brother, a mentor, and friend, but the title I enjoyed the most was father. I became so accomplished in prison because I wanted to show my son that he should never give up no matter the circumstances. My son was my identity in here, and he was my motivation.

My dear son recently passed away at the age of 1, and my life was flipped upside down. Suddenly I had to figure out why I do what it is I do. All the while though, my brain still can’t compute the passing of my son. It is unnatural to me for a parent to outlive his child. Facing this harsh reality while incarcerated forced me to deal with it head-on. I had to reassess my focus and drive. Instead of just being a positive example for my son, every young man I know took his place. I want to eventually get my master’s degree in social work, then become a licensed clinical social worker, so I’ll be able to help other young men, like my son, who were impacted by having fathers, who are serving long sentences in prison.

That’s where I’m at now. Thanks for checking me out, this is just a small glimpse into my life. I just want to be of service and help people. Please feel free to respond. I’d like to end by telling everyone, “Keep pushing because it is going to get better, and you never know who you might inspire.” Thank you!

Moonshadow, 43

Moonshadow, 43

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Meet Moonshadow…

That day taught me three things. It really is the thought that counts. Always be creative. A simple act of love and caring can bring a smile to another person.

Moonshadow, 43
Incarcerated: 26 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

I remember it being a hot summer day when my grandmother, my mom, and I were driving home from the store. I was around six and full of energy. That all changed when a tow-truck hit us from behind when we stopped at a light. My mother was hospitalized and I was placed in the care of my grandparents. That began six months of hell as I was forced to eat off of and sleep on the floor like a dog. I wasn’t even allowed hot water. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of being back with my mom. Finally, my mom was allowed weekend visits with me. One particular weekend it was her birthday and I wanted to do something special for her. She always told me, “You’re not allowed to use the stove, no matter what.” So, I decided to get creative. I cracked some eggs, opened some hash browns and bacon, and poured a glass of orange juice. I covered it all up and ran to get my mom. To her surprise, she walked into the kitchen and there was a tablecloth on the floor. She lifted it up to find raw cracked eggs, raw bacon, and raw hash browns and a glass of orange juice on the floor. I didn’t even use a plate. “Happy Birthday Mom! I didn’t use the stove.” She looked back and forth between the mess and me. I really thought that she was going to be mad. She just shook her head and smiled. She gave me the biggest hug and told me that she loved me. That day taught me three things. It really is the thought that counts. Always be creative. A simple act of love and caring can bring a smile to another person. I carry this with me every day in life with the hope of bringing a smile to everyone that I meet. Rest in peace Mom… I love you too.

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