Shohn, 49

Shohn, 49

Meet Shohn…

Love is sacrifice, putting others’ needs before your own without expectation. Love is patience, enduring the storms that darken our horizons to see the dawning of a brand new day. Love is warmth, that glowing ember of light that radiates within the deepest reaches of the heart at the very thought of the other person. And love is everlasting, seeing the entirety of your future in the eyes of another and not being able to envision that future without them.

Incarcerated: 14 years

Housed: Jefferson City Correctional Center, Missouri

Sometimes I dream that I am with someone who loves me, a woman who, in all reality, I have never even laid eyes on before, yet somehow we are familiar to one another just the same. Though when I wake, I can never recall what was said between us, and very rarely is there ever any physical intimacy, I always awaken with the unmistakable contentment of heart that I have just been in the presence of love. I don’t have these dreams often, but whenever I do, the bitter truth that I face is almost too much to bear. They’re so impossibly real that once I awaken to the pain and disappointment that they are not, my heart fills with grief and longing for the love I have just lost. But knowing what I know now, I suppose it is wrong of me to consider TIME an annoying apparition that will not let me be, because in all these years, TIME has revealed to me one undeniable thing- the essence of love’s true meaning. Love is sacrifice, putting others’ needs before your own without expectation. Love is patience, enduring the storms that darken our horizons to see the dawning of a brand new day. Love is warmth, that glowing ember of light that radiates within the deepest reaches of the heart at the very thought of the other person. And love is everlasting, seeing the entirety of your future in the eyes of another and not being able to envision that future without them. Before my newfound awareness of love, I assumed that the only conditions in which good intention would rise up and take a stand in a fight to take back what rightfully belonged to it were the eagerness for redemption and the desperation to right its wrongs. But now I know that the complete absence of love itself has that very same power to summon the will to fight, and fight I will when love once again comes calling my name. I’ve been incarcerated for over 14 years now, convicted of crimes that I did not commit, and with all that I have lost because of that, I have known no greater pain than the pain of being forced to live within the confines of this loveless existence. “If only I could go back in time knowing what I know now,” I often think to myself. But then the utter impossibility of such a thing becomes its very own kind of torment. A man has quite a bit of time to think in here, way too much if you ask me, and though Time has never exactly been a friend to me, it has proved itself lately to be more of a haunting nuisance than anything else, a “Ghost of Christmas Past” taking me places that I need not go, showing me things that I need not see. Regret, shame, sadness and heartache- these are the poisonous fruits that my willful ignorance of love’s inherent value bears, and I eat of this fruit every single day of my loveless existence.

Michael, 61

Michael, 61

Meet Mike…

“I opened my eyes and relieved myself of the burdens, drugs and alcohol that was literally killing me. Now I have a natural high from love and forgiveness from above.”

Incarcerated: 33 years
Housed: Jefferson City Correctional Center, Missouri.

They give poor people of all colors a public defender, who barely graduated law school. Rarely does anyone convicted or who has plead guilty get a case overturned. Many innocents have fallen victim to the state of Missouri. Some life sentences get out in 20 years. Others, like mine at 33 years are still waiting on a date to go home. I’m an Army vet. I have been incarcerated for 33 years for second degree murder, a life sentence. Yet more hypocrites work for the state of Missouri, the “Buckle of the Bible Belt,” where a detective, judge or prosecutor will pound the Bible on Sunday and then lie or exaggerate evidence at work. Life has no cap here at the mercy of the board. Fortunately, I found Residents Encounter Christ who showed me I was still human and able to see the light. I help others turn their lives around. To be of service inside prison, wow, what a way to shine in a real dark space. Joe, a REC volunteer, told me I inspire those around me by being of service – even in prison. Betty, another volunteer said, “I wish I could have gotten to know you better, your great smile and enthusiasm is a gift the Lord will use over and over.” Sister Debbie said, “You have the peace of God within you. May you continue to use it to bless others as you live like Jesus commanded.” Prison has reformed me with Christ’s love. I opened my eyes and relieved myself of the burdens, drugs and alcohol that was literally killing me. Now I have a natural high from love and forgiveness from above. I want to share the feelings through my words. So I can be paroled next year and make amends.
Mike, 61

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