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Sammy, 54

Sammy, 54

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Meet Sammy…

I received a letter from my 19 year old daughter, Jazzy, asking me the most insightful question a father would ever have to answer, “Who are You?” And for the life of me, I could not write her a response.

Sammy, 54
Incarcerated: 22 yrs
Housed: Sing Sing Correctional Facility, Ossining, New York

As a byproduct of the foster care system, I know what it is like to be frightened, saddened, and unbeknownst of what is to come. I know about the exhilarating feeling of being adopted and properly raised by a devout and loving Christian family. Unfortunately, since 18, I have been a career criminal gripped and enslaved to the disease of heroin addiction. And as a result, I mentally and physically wounded too many good-hearted people, especially those I made out to be victims when I needlessly took the life of another human being. I am currently serving 25-years-to-life. Even after that horrific and needless part of my past, I still continued with drugs and criminal thinking. In 2009, I received a letter from my 19 year old daughter, Jazzy, asking me the most insightful question a father would ever have to answer, ‘Who are You?’ And for the life of me, I could not write her a response. Instead, I was miraculously drawn, in tractor-beam force, to look in the mirror in my 8’x8’ cell. As I took an honest look – the image that gawked back, was just a shell of me. I then began to walk the journey of honest self-introspection, which allowed me to stop blaming others for my negative thoughts and behaviors. Instead, I took responsibility for the harm I caused by first abstaining from drugs. Since, I have become a facilitator for the Alcohol Substance Abuse Program, obtained college degrees and am working on my master’s. Do those accomplishments make up for all the harm I caused others – of course not. It is the only concrete way in which I can add substance to the words ‘I’m Sorry’ to all I have harmed. Today, the answer to my daughter’s profound question: I am an individual who is not defined by my bad decisions, yet my past experiences have molded me into a proud, loving, and remorseful Latino father of six wonderful kids and five amazing grandkids. I am also intelligent enough to know what my limitations are – and that recovery from the disease of drug addiction cannot be done alone. God has gifted me with the humane blessing of using my past to help others better themselves.

Anthony “David”, 41

Anthony “David”, 41

Meet David…

Life is the biggest test, the only way some people learn is from making honest mistakes, and learning from them.

Anthony “David”, 41
Incarcerated: 4 years
Housed: Sing Sing Correctional Facility, Ossining, New York

I started rapping as an outlet to express my feelings. I am the type of person that holds most stuff in. Not much bothers me. I learned when I get emotional or feel sad, I have the power to decide “the decision moment” by acknowledging it then moving forward. The key is “recognizing it” then making my decision. I love positive energy. It is easy to be negative so I pride myself in making others happy more than making myself happy, if that makes any sense. When I was home, I didn’t give myself a chance to grow professionally because I put others’ needs before my own. I don’t want to be a waste of talent, I am very educated, and my passion for music has not died. I still write and have hopes of taking care of others. To dance. I attract people and money without trying. I always wanted my whole family to have the best life possible. We have been through so much together, it’s only right. I could be a billionaire, if I had recorded my family on a daily basis. They are all musically inclined, and multi-talented. Life is the biggest test. The only way some people learn is from making mistakes, and learning from them. My advice: Life inside here is not what anyone who has never been incarcerated thinks. You can promise yourself that five negative seconds can get you 50 years of misery. One hour, one minute, one second can put you somewhere you don’t want to be, with someone you don’t know, and won’t ever see again. Trust me. Being humble will pay off. Get that 9 to 5 and establish yourself as an honest citizen. The streets don’t love nobody. The friends come to an end. You will be in a cell starving, afraid to eat what the people responsible for your life are giving you. The people that love you won’t reach out because they have their own life, you will be lucky if you are their last priority. Some people have no one! I pray that all of us make it home in one piece. God will show you light in a dark situation. We can change the world we live in by changing how we think, and not being selfish. Don’t blow your blessing.

Paul, 42

Paul, 42

Meet Paul…

The power of gentleness, especially amid the tough exteriors of prisoners, is not to be underestimated.

Paul, 42
Incarcerated: 17
Housed: Sing Sing Correctional Facility, Ossining, New York
Selection from Paul’s book, God’s Hand Reaches Down

David came to the Chaplain’s office because he had just found out his mother had died. He was a taller Latin man, a little over six feet, with the rough exterior of years of street life. I could see the pain in his eyes, and the sorrow in his heart. I barely knew him, but the Holy Spirit told me to embrace him. So I did. I told him, “David, I am so sorry for your loss,” and then I just hugged him. I felt his large frame collapse into the crook of my neck like a child, and he began to weep. All the emotion he was holding in convulsed out into broken sobs, and as I held him strongly while rubbing his back and giving him words of consolation. In that moment, he needed the gentleness of an embrace to open his Spirit. Other than being accosted by a correctional officer during a pat frisk on the wall, many of us have never been held for five, ten, twenty plus years, let alone hugged during a vulnerable time. We prayed and I could visibly see the relief on his face and the resolve to get through this difficult time. The power of gentleness, especially amid the tough exteriors of prisoners, is not to be underestimated. Over the years because of my care for my fellow prisoners and the goodness that lies within them, through the gentle example of Jesus, I have been able to reach people during the most challenging times of familial loss, lockdowns, gang wars, riots, and unrest.

Jennifer, 39

Jennifer, 39

Meet Jennifer…

Prison is not designed to change a person, only you have the power to change yourself.

Jennifer, 39
Incarcerated: 12 years
Housed: Taconic Correctional Facility, Bedford Hills, New York

I am not defined by my crime, I am not a number, I am a beautiful, intelligent woman. I have learned that I can prosper in the worst conditions. I am a survivor! I had to learn to love myself in order to become who I am. It is a terrible feeling, sitting alone in a cell with only your thoughts. My thoughts have given me purpose these past 12 years. I graduated college with an associates and a bachelor’s degree. I have made the dean’s list, all behind walls, locked doors and razor wire. In three years I will be released after serving 16 years. I will be free, but I will never forget. Where there is hope, there is purpose. When I started my sentence I felt alone. I didn’t know how I was going to be in prison for 16 years, without my son. He was nine when I left and will be 21 when I am released. He is my motivation. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to know that I achieved goals and made new ones, all in prison. Prison is not designed to change a person, only you have the power to change yourself. You have to want to succeed, I am determined and I will keep changing – I learn something new everyday because my knowledge is my liberation!

Tiona, 26

Meet Tiona…

It is helping others understand life from a different perspective in hopes that we stop fighting each other and come together. Unity is the answer to everything, the ultimate key to love and peace in hopes of mending our differences.

Incarcerated: 7

Housed: Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, New York

During my 26 years, I have come to realize what it is to love and to lose, what it is to grow and be stagnant. Every step of the way has shaped me into the woman I am today. I have learned from a young age what it feels like to have someone love me and then have them ripped from my life; leaving me to fend for myself as everyone around me abandons me.

I learned  just because you have parents. does not mean they have to love you, and their version of love might be quite different. 

I learned life is never what you expect and it will constantly surprise you. We may not understand our pain, struggles and suffering until later in life when things begin to fall into place or sometimes when it is too late. It is all the aches and heartbreaks that make you grow, which leads your heart to guide you in a different direction. 

I learned that what you hear or see as a child makes you believe certain values, and growing up and becoming one with yourself  makes you change those same beliefs. 

I learned  you might never see life the same as the person next to you, but you have to try to walk in their shoes in order to understand life differently. 

I learned to listen to my heart as it cries out in agony, because it is with love that we heal and heal others. 

I learned  even if you did nothing wrong, you will be viewed as if you are guilty because they lack the capability to analyze what is beneath the surface. 

I learned what it felt like to be my son’s first heartbreak when I received my 16-year prison sentence. 

I learned to survive in a jungle meant to destroy you and to find love in this strange place. 

I learned how all the evils of this world can consume you. 

I learned how to find myself while I watch others closely to divide the real from the fake, and to take heed of what they hide behind their masks and in their hearts.

I learned how to stop hating life, and how to start living it. We need to see we are not defined by our mistakes, because while they cannot be undone they show our willingness to get back and try again. 

I learned my passion is to free others from their mental imprisonments, and to live up to my life purpose. I want to spread love endlessly. 

I am learning to remind myself someone out there has it worse than me. While learning that even though we are all human beings, we are not looked at as such. Society creates these “norms” and labels and once someone does not fit in, they ‘X’ them out, alienating them. 

I am learning it is extremely difficult to be a woman and even harder to be a woman of color, that society expected me to fail because of the color of my skin. This may be ’The Land of The Free’ but every life born or migrated here has paid the price. 

I have learned to fear for my child every time I watch the news and see another black body lying on the ground at the hands of law enforcement. I know now it is those who are meant to help you that are often the ones who hurt you. 

I am learning our constitution continues to fail us, resulting in our growth being stunted. 

I am learning that while I am just an ordinary person, I want to make the best of my time here for both those around me as well as myself. It is helping others understand life from a different perspective in hopes that we stop fighting each other and come together. Unity is the answer to everything, the ultimate key to love and peace in hopes of mending our differences. Our world would be such a peaceful place if we thought of others, if everyone’s soul was inclined to help the next individual; I am learning to be thankful for today because tomorrow may never come. 

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