The issue now is that you’re suddenly hungry for everything you don’t have. For me, my cravings were for bananas.
Five years ago, I found myself in a horrible situation of my own making. I had made some atrocious decisions that landed me in county jail for what I knew was going to be an extensive period of time. I could feel my heart being ripped to shreds, and I could see my life falling apart before my eyes. I could do nothing but watch. I was utterly helpless. My stomach was in constant knots, and trampling on my rusty nails actually sounded more appealing than eating. My mind was racing faster than any road runner could have ever hoped to run. Who will take care of the kids? What will my family and neighbors think? Why didn’t I give my babies one last hug and kiss, or read them their favorite bedtime story? Everything was coming at me so fast, and nothing I did could slow it down. I had never been lower in my life. All I could do was picture my kids growing up without me, and I felt utter contempt for myself and my actions. I was in a dark place. But the funny thing about darkness is that after you’ve been in it for so long, any amount of light becomes blinding. Even a tiny ray of sunshine peeking through your itty-bitty three-by-five jail window can set your eyes on fire, and that’s basically what God has been teaching me over and over again since I’ve been locked up.
Now, don’t think I don’t feel your eyes rolling as you realize that YES, I am talking about finding God in jail. I know it’s cliché, but I am a proud member of the “Jesus freak” community. Jesus is awesome, amazing, and worthy of praise, and I’m going to tell you why, bananas! In county jail, fresh fruit is a fairytale. It’s more unique and rare than a unicorn, and although quite comical, I’m really not exaggerating. Astonishingly enough, once the initial shock of being in jail wears off, you actually become quite hungry. Your stomach unknots and thankfully remembers it’s not a pretzel or a gymnast practicing a new routine. However, the issue now is that you’re suddenly hungry for everything you don’t have. For me, my cravings were for bananas. This was odd because, on the outside, I probably ate one banana a year… and that was a lot! But now, I was aching for one, practically perishing from the yearning for just one sweet, fresh banana. I would sit in my cell and salivate over the memories I had of bananas. I had bananas on my mind, and nothing else could distract me, except my Bible, which I carried everywhere and read constantly for sanity purposes. My need for Jesus and bananas didn’t go unheard by the women unlucky enough to be housed with me. In fact, I talked so much about the Bible and bananas that I’m pretty sure they were formulating a plan to get me locked down for the rest of my stay there.
One night, while thinking of bananas, I decided to pray about it. After all, the Bible says that if we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts, and I really was delighting in Him. My desire was for a banana! So, I told Him exactly that, and then I drifted off to sleep. I may have even dreamed that I was Noah in a banana ark, floating in a foamy sea of delicious, cold chocolate milk. When I fell out of bed the next morning for six a.m. count, my prayer and dream were already distant memories, floating away as dreams often do. I dragged myself downstairs, and, struggling to keep my eyes open enough to see my breakfast, I was astonished to see a banana on my otherwise unappealing tray. In shock, I said nothing. I held my breath, refusing to blink, for fear that I’d open my eyes and realize it was only a figment of my imagination. The other women around me were equally baffled. After all, you don’t often see a unicorn in jail! I reached for my banana, and if this were a movie, it would be in slow motion, running toward the love of your life. It was beautiful!
I enjoyed the banana more than I could ever describe, but oddly enough, I didn’t remember my prayer. However, I have learned that God has a sense of humor and enjoys reminding us of His presence. Later that day, guess what was on our lunch trays and then on our dinner trays as well? Yep, bananas! I was flabbergasted. After dinner one night, an officer came to collect our trays, and I immediately asked her, “What’s the deal with all the bananas?” She smiled and told me someone had donated boxes and boxes of fresh bananas, and she wouldn’t be surprised if we were eating them all week. She mentioned that she had been working in the jail for over 15 years and that this was the first time she had ever seen so much fresh fruit being served. That’s when it hit me. I had prayed for this! Me! God listened to sinful old me! He showed up for me and hooked me up with bananas! Sure enough, because God is good, we had bananas with every meal that entire week.
God showed up for me in one of my darkest, most undeserving hours, and He blinded me with His light. It may have been only a small ray of light, but it set my eyes on fire and my heart went up in flames as well. This is just one story out of hundreds in which I’ve experienced the power of God. In reality, this story is just an itty-bitty, three-by-five jail window-sized view into the unbelievable and unending benefits of knowing Jesus. He shows up for us. When all seems lost, when it feels like the devil might win out, Jesus shows up, and He saves us. He provides us with restoration, salvation, justification, and sometimes even bananas.
