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To The Ones Who Never Left

I owe a thank you
to the ones who never left me

to the ones who had the courage
to stand by me in a courtroom
where silence is deafening

to the ones who listened to my
midnight cries
to the ones who heard the words
“all rise”

to the ones who saw me in
handcuffs and shackles

to the ones who promised me
my prison time, I’ll tackle

“you’re not alone,” they told me
“we still love you,” they cried
on the day I realized, I’ll never
see an ocean sunrise

not for a while my friends
but I promise you, one day
we’ll be able to begin again

I’ll let you in on a secret, a
soul I never told
you all are the reason I’m here today

on the bad days I think
of the courtroom, how it was
filled with people I love

But I’m crying to you now
it can be really rough

But I remember your smiles
and how you said you’d be there
even if it’s a while

and I remember our phone calls
and me staring at white walls

I remember the pain
and my broken heart
and the fear I tore this
friendship apart

yet you stayed and were there
through all the fears, you say:
you’ll stay through all the years

you give me strength, you send me
God must’ve sent you from above

Thank you


I want to share my stories
for women with the same worries
remembering back when I
was in college
I was full of life, so full of knowledge
a boy once told me I had too much
success, he told me to dim it
down, he’ll do all the rest

Once my best friend invited me over
I was just out of a relationship
just looking for some closure
I remember such confusion
and he’ll say it was just an illusion
a Xanax pill, he took me
against my will
and his lies he perfected
so that my cries for help
were rejected

I will never forget how I felt the
morning after
such a cruel chapter
but it plays an important factor
to all the other women, I stayed quiet too
but now the manipulation and I are through

2017 my darkest hour
now I realize you’re just a coward
a time of deep depression
a time of drug abuse and regression

tell me was there hesitation
when you put in a demonstration
you hit me with a handful
of pride

our relationship was built off lies

20 too young for the trauma
but with every blow I know
comes karma

every time you hit me with
your hand, tell me does it make
you feel like a man

questioning all relationship logic
in your head I was another project
you took advantage of my kindness
that’s manipulation and its finest

I become my own savior
and I became brave
used to have a broken heart
now my poetry is my work of art

I am a voice for women everywhere

do not hide behind your despair

you tried to take away our freedom
take a look at my new kingdom

though I’m behind prison bars
and the trauma you put me through
still scars, no more silence, I’m
speaking out

I’m putting an end to this
exhausting drought

Talk of the Town

Tough luck kid
You got a 20 year bid
You just couldn’t put the drug
down. Now you’re the talk of
the town.

Some hate you others pity
you. News headlines on CNN
trying to get out of the guilt
So you’ve been up a pen

“20 years isn’t enough time for her”
“never thought you’d be a murderer”
“this is not okay”
“about time they put her away”

Everyone’s always got something to say
now and every other day.

Look. I’ll tell my story but
there isn’t much to tell I got lost
in the drug and somehow from
reality I fell

I live everyday with remorse
never would I have soberly taken
this course

you’re right I do pick up this
pen. And every day I try to
start again

The Forgotten Kingdom

I can write and write
but that doesn’t make the pain go away
in fact, my writing invited it to stay

All of the sadness I have in my heart
written down on paper as if
it was art

These white walls taunting my freedom
sadness in fact has taken over
its kingdom, with me as its queen
feeling hopelessness, despair
and pitying, the question on how
life isn’t fair
The queen is hated on in
kingdoms afar. The kingdom is forgotten,
nobody cares about the little girl
with the long brown hair

Thus she cut it all off when she
turned 23, in hopes it would make
her feel a little more free

but people don’t care about why
she cut her hair or stopped
chasing her dreams or visions
or how DOC makes all her

People don’t care about her
nightmares or fears
or staring at the ceiling
every night with tears

they never ask her “how are
you today,” they just continue
to ask “how long is your stay”

Certain friends left her in
her time of need, I’ll
never understand that kind
of greed

So she stands tall in
this forgotten kingdom
all alone. At least
she has not given up her throne

A Letter to the Architect of the Universe

25 and imprisoned
I put my faith in a drug
thinking I was invincible
I doubted you then walked away
who would’ve thought I’d lose my faith that way

Circumstances changed with
excruciating pain
thy kingdom come forgot its name

I’ve met your angels and I thank you for sending them my way
Yet it’s a little cruel you don’t have them stay

All my life I’ve thought of “God” as someone I needed to impress with my accomplishments
When really all you wanted was my love and acknowledgements

Forgive me for my selfishness in thinking I could do this journey on my own
footprints on the sand
you’ve led my hand as I’ve grown

I questioned your motives and objectives
When really I never looked at things from a bigger perspective

I’m still a little angry
but now have an open mind
to healing our relationship
for now I realize your love is pure and kind

So architect of the universe
I thank you for all that you’ve taken,
for maybe I’ve had you completely mistaken

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