I used to live my life as a selfish person, always taking and using. Now, I am committed to living a life of service, recovery, purpose, and honor.
I attempted suicide after returning from my deployment in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The overwhelming feelings of brokenness consumed me, leading to my honorable discharge from the Army. Unfortunately, this only made things worse. I never sought help or support because I kept telling myself, “Others came back missing limbs or in a flag-draped coffin—what right do I have to feel sad, alone, or angry?”
This mindset caused me to stop caring about who I hurt. Five months after my separation, I committed an unforgivable act of homicide. I beat myself up for years, focusing only on survival while incarcerated. It wasn’t until January of 2018, when I was transferred to another prison with a veteran’s service unit, that things began to change. There, I met my cellmate, Ed, a certified peer support specialist, and we talked often. During one of our conversations, I called myself a piece of shit, believing that anyone who had done what I did had to be one. Ed said something others had tried to tell me before, but it didn’t sink in until that moment. He told me, “Just because you’ve done something a piece of shit would do, doesn’t mean you are one. It’s what you do moving forward that matters.”
His words were the reason I decided to become a peer support specialist myself. I fully plan to continue on this career path when I’m released, hopefully this February. I’ve found so much joy in helping others, particularly my fellow veterans. You truly never know the impact one person can have on another’s life, whether positive or negative.
I used to live my life as a selfish person, always taking and using. Now, I am committed to living a life of service, recovery, purpose, and honor. Thank you for taking the time to read this small but significant part of my story.
