My usually single mom did the best she could for me. I was an only child, shy, had very few friends, was an outcast and I felt awkward and out of place. Kids made fun of me. I can only remember two occasions in which I had a sleep-over at a friend’s house and no one ever came to mine. I was never subjected to the juvenile care system. My daughters would not be so lucky. By middle school, I was in trouble with drugs, alcohol, having sex and found a group that accepted me. Temporarily, I got good grades, played sports, and lived the ‘Bad Boy’ life. It wasn’t long before sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll ruled me. By tenth grade, I was a runaway living on the streets. Satan had many strongholds in my life and I was headed nowhere good. All my life I was plagued by an unquenchable desire to find love. At 23, my life took a dramatic turn. I became a father. I finally felt complete and I feel deeply in love with my daughters. It was too much for either of us and I turned to my addictions. Child Protective Services took the girls from my ex. I had done exactly what my father did. He left for war and never returned home to me.
I had failed my daughters. This reality snapped me out of my sick depravity. I got a job and turned to my family for help. Months later I was awarded full custody. Not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my past, I buried myself in work and my girls. We were a loving family, but still broken. The stress and isolation wore me down, I was in trouble with drugs and women again. I abandoned them dozens of times over the next 20 years, always for the lust of the flesh and pride. I was plagued and haunted by my past, running from my childhood and the pain that I had inflicted on my loved ones. Today, I have the love of Christ in my life and am looking at attending seminary school. I’m working on rebuilding my relationships with my daughters. God is rebuilding me from the inside out and I’m learning daily what it means to be a child of God. To heal this bipolar being has taken years of true unwavering love. I no longer need someone to complete me and am able to love my family and friends.
