At 18, I believed that whatever I prayed for would come true. I prayed with all my heart that I would go to my murder trial and be found “NOT GUILTY” for the murder I committed. Of course, I was found guilty of second-degree murder and sentenced to 20 years to life. I couldn’t understand it. I had been told over and over by Christian Protestants that if I followed God through Jesus and did all that He said, all of my prayers would be answered. At just 18 years old, I believed them.
After being sentenced, I returned to my cell and began trashing all the Christian literature on my desk. The last thing I grabbed was a booklet called The Daily Bread, which I had read every day. Just before throwing it away, I realized I hadn’t read that day’s passage. It said prayers made for selfish reasons would not be answered, but prayers made for the benefit of others would. Spitefully, I decided to test God. I prayed for something impossible, that my entire Catholic family, from my grandfather to my baby brother, would leave the church and become Protestants. A couple of weeks later, my parents visited and told me they were moving to Utah to start a Protestant church. The impossible had come to pass. God and Jesus were true. But instead of recognizing the miracle, I thought only of myself. I asked, “What about me? I just got life in prison. You’re abandoning me!” I could not see the good before me. I could only see and hear evil, not what was good.
Twenty-two years later, while grieving the loss of a close friend who had paroled, I found what God could do for me. I was reading The Wheel of Time series, where a character, Egwene, turns overwhelming grief into a pinprick through a power described as coming from God. I cried out for the same relief, and God answered. Today, as long as I serve Him with all my heart, mind, and strength, my grief and all others like it are but a pinprick in His infinite loving kindness. Whatever evil you think of someone, put it away. Close your eyes and ears to evil, and open them to what is good. Choose the good over the evil.
Thank you!