In 2018 and 2019 I was 4 years sober and at the height of my career. I spent all of my life grappling at a high level. I was ranked 8th in my class and 76th overall in the world. I was traveling all over the U.S. taking jiu-jitsu fights for money. I went so far I have two matches on the UFC Fight Pass under Submission Underground 7 and 8. Then I was assaulted in 2019, and because of the trauma I started using drugs again. I was at rock bottom.
I remember the lowest part. I was sitting in my car using. I had poked myself so much I had blood running down my arms. I looked up and saw my wife standing at the front of my car. Then she tried to pull me out of the car as she yelled, “Stop hurting yourself!” I wanted to stop so bad, but I couldn’t. I kept using until I came to prison for the second time in May of ‘24
Then I got sober again, but I had so much shame. I felt like I could never come back from that. This may be true, but I have new doors opening for me. Now I’m able to affect people through my writing. I have a story and one day it may save someone’s life, so I tell it. I found a new reason to live!
Nowadays I spend most of my time learning and writing stories such as my book and my poetry. This is all possible due to me making the choice to not let this time of being locked up go to waste. So I use my book as a way to unpack my trauma, and it has changed my whole life in a way I couldn’t imagine. I found my self worth again and I have a reason to wake up each day.
I also write about all of the messed up and unfair things that happen to us due to us being in prison, in hopes to expose it and make some change. It’s sad, but it took me coming to prison for me to come out as who I am. Through that process I have learned so much about myself. I love myself again.
Another thing writing has done for me is it helped me discover what I expect out of people. So I can now clearly tell people what I need out of a friendship. This has led to me not getting let down as much in the past two years. I have come up with a way to accomplish tasks that I never would have been able to do in the past. If I had stayed on that path, I would have died. Now I’m able to do anything I set my mind to, so I want to show others it can be done. You can change.
I have a book I’m pretty close to finishing, and I’m in need of a publisher or someone who can self publish it for me. It is okay to share my contact information with anyone who wants to get a hold of me. I always can use people to lift me up. I’m open to pen pals and everything.
Thanks again for doing this for people like me.
