Another day down. Another day closer to home. Most of the time, I don’t even know the date, let alone the day of the week. They say, “You do the time, don’t let the time do you.” That’s why I try not to pay attention to calendars. I’ve been in the system since I was 15. I’ve been in foster homes, group homes, rehabs, halfway houses, jails, and prisons. I was dealt a terrible hand, but it has made me the strong, independent woman I am today. I became addicted to heroin at 13. I was a child, for Christ’s sake. I didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Hey, I’m gonna become an addict today.” No, absolutely not. I woke up one day and wanted to numb myself. Escape from the trauma, the toxicness, and my dysfunctional environment. My own family was giving me these drugs. I’ve been going through the cycle of insanity ever since. I am trying to fight these demons of mine. At first, I thought the monster was my best friend until it literally sucked the life out of me to the point where I didn’t care about dying. I can’t even count how many times I’ve overdosed. What kind of friend is that? The monster is always lurking, waiting for me to fall and not get up. Guess what? It’s been two and a half years since I’ve played with the monster, and I trust and believe that there are just as many drugs in prisons as in a community. When I share my story, many people say, “Kate, you are so beautiful and innocent-looking you could never tell you were addicted or went through what you have.” I am currently on my third state bid for possession with intent on the sale of cocaine and meth. I sold drugs I didn’t use. As Biggie Smalls once said, “Never get high on your own supply.” My father and brother recently got off parole. They were incarcerated for the same thing as me. Unfortunately, it runs in the family or, shall I say, ran through my family. First, my past doesn’t define me, which took me a long time to comprehend and BELIEVE. Second, my arrest most likely saved my life this time around. I am doing things much differently in my incarceration. I can now accept and understand that I am POWERLESS. I have no control while behind these walls. Instead of worrying about things I cannot control, I let go and let my higher power take the lead. Letting go is the most challenging part behind these walls.
