Why do I always tend to reach for things, and people who are out of my grasp are not for me? It’s crazy. I want things I can not have or do not have time for, and I see things that are not in my view. I see and put so much into things and people that put so little into me.
I prayed and asked God what his purpose was for me. Why am I truly here? Better yet, why am I still here? I have learned how to embarrass pain, to look for it in all that makes me happy, and always to expect it.
I used to ask myself why me? Yet now I ask, when? If it takes too long to show up, I tend to get nervous because it has been in my life for so long that it has become a friend and place of comfort. Once we parted ways, my thoughts became my friend and place of comfort.
I’ve learned how to escape reality, but I’ve also learned how to find it. I see things and people for what they are and who they are. My thoughts battle with each other restlessly, and I must choose which ones win. I used to select and react to the wrong ones, yet now I always try to choose and react to the right ones in the right way.
Some things and people make it hard for me, so I stay quiet. Yet, nowadays, I’m finding it hard to stay quiet. All my life, I have done things to be seen when all I wanted was to be heard. So now my thoughts have begun and come to merge with my voice, yet it did not stop here because one day, as I was speaking to myself, I felt my hand moving and shaking vigorously, and when I looked down to see what was wrong I saw that I was writing out my thoughts, and when I read what I had to write. I understood and saw that I was creating and making reality, which was the very thing I had been doing all along.
