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Brittany, 28

Brittany, 28

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Meet Brittany…

Love is kind, patient, love is with pure intention. Love never gives up, it is our only hope for peace and it should be our mission in life.

Brittany, 28
Incarcerated: 3 years
Housed: Wyoming Women’s Center, Lusk

How do I see love? 

It took my desire to love and to be loved to reach a point of explosion. I decided to stop being that door mat, the person everyone could use and abuse however they pleased. Love was as strange to me as a foreign language. Love meant my parents fed us so we could focus on something other than survival. The circumstances of my unfortunate beginnings instilled in me a sense of low self-worth and created an ideal space for us to beg for every ounce of affection. It wasn’t long before I was an adult by law, but a struggling and scared child at heart. Having spent my entire life focused on the well being of my siblings and myself, I was convinced love was just a fairytale. What stood between me and my dream of being loved was the idea that I wasn’t worthy of such things. I have seen examples of love and have formed my own opinion on how people should be loved. I learned it doesn’t hurt, it is something we can and should give freely. Love is kind, patient, love is with pure intention. Love never gives up, it is our only hope for peace and it should be our mission in life. When judged, scorned, forgotten and abandoned, choose love. Love because you can, not because it’s beneficial or expected. This is how I see love.

Terrell “Big T,” 49

Terrell “Big T,” 49

Meet Terrell “Big T”…

People shouldn’t give up hope, like I once did. When we give up hope, we also give up on our loved ones.

Terrell “Big T,” 49

Incarcerated: 31 years

Interviewed by Edwin, in the West block of San Quentin

I took a deal of 18 to Life. My attorney told me if I took the plea bargain I would be getting out of prison in 10 years. That was in 1991. I am finally paroling on September 21, 2022. When I was 18 I had the belief system of a gang member living by the rules of the streets. I came in as a level IV inmate and was sent to Calipatria State Prison where things were different. I was told by the older guys (OGs)  I was never going home. Months later I went to the Security Housing Unit (SHU) and continued with my attitude of not caring about anything in life.

Tell me about your experience here at San Quentin. 

It’s a lot more peaceful in comparison to the other prisons I’ve been to. In fact, this is the most peaceful place that I have ever been.

Did SQ help you with your personal growth? 

Yes, the groups that were available to me, and I would say the inmates helped. More inmates are trying to go home in SQ than any other place I’ve been to.”

What are you taking from this whole experience in regards to your incarceration?

People shouldn’t give up hope, like I once did. When we give up hope, we also give up on our loved ones. We give up on a future we are capable of having in the free world.”

You came in at 18 and now you are going out at 49. What do you want to tell an 18 year kid old that is currently going through what you experienced? 

I would share the crazy things that I’ve been through in prison and the crazy stuff I have witnessed. To get a trade, an education, and to think about his future. This is more important than the homies. More importantly to think about his family and how he can help them once he is out of prison. 

If you could wind the hands of time back, what would you do differently? 

I would go back to when I was 15. I would stay in sports, continue with my education, and stay away from drug dealing and gang banging. I would help my family.

 What did you miss the most in your life while incarcerated? 

My family’s love. I missed raising my kids and knowing my nieces, nephews and granddaughter.

What’s next for you?

I  am settling down with my childhood sweetheart. I just want to have a happy life and experience an honest life. I am looking forward to fishing, boating, and picnicking and finally getting my drivers license for the first time. 

What is your biggest fear going out? 

Making any kind of mistake that will bring me back to prison. I said mistakes because I don’t intend to intentionally break any kind of laws. I just want to enjoy life with family, friends, and loved ones. 

Randy, 29

Randy, 29

Meet Randy…

It was the first time I felt peace. She sat close to me in the visitation room, her head on my shoulder. I felt safe, at home.

Randy, 29
Incarcerated: 14 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

It was the first time I felt peace. She sat close to me in the visitation room, her head on my shoulder. I felt safe, at home. I grew up afraid and neglected. Beginning my life term at 16 impacted how I grew as a human. People say prison is its own little world; and that is where I learned about the world. I have spent nearly half my life locked up. Behind these walls I learned about people, relationships, and life. The problem is the only help offered to inmates involves drugs, gangs, and criminal behavior. It doesn’t teach self-respect, patience, confidence, or skills needed to be a good human. I wasn’t learning how to be a man, I was learning how to be an inmate. My institutionalization came slowly and subtly. I thought I was doing well. Staying out of trouble was my goal, and doing the right things. The problem was my values and beliefs were becoming shaped by prison culture. I didn’t realize this until Covid, when I began meeting people from the penpal-site, writeaprisoner.com. Talking to outside people showed me an entirely foreign caliber of humanity. One particular friend had no problem pointing out when I said something outrageous that only an inmate would believe, like normalization of violence, prejudices and anger. I began to see that my mind frame was that of a bitter inmate. My ideas on justice, society, and friendships were all corrupted. Luckily, that friend held me accountable for the things I said, helping to challenge unhealthy values and beliefs I had accepted. It helped just having normal conversations about things like having dinner with family, a job and having a dog. A wise man once told me the goal isn’t just to get out, or beat the parole board, but to prepare for success after prison. Today, my wife inspires my change by motivating me to be a better man and a better husband. I no longer focus on life here in prison. I see my future and who I want to be. That hope is now what teaches me about life. I have a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I’m actually learning the skills of patience, work ethic, integrity, and self control so I can succeed on the outside. So Ashleigh and I can succeed together.