I have been out of the California prison system for two and a half months now but still incarcerated in Cleveland Ohio.
I am currently housed at the Cuyahoga County Jail in downtown Cleveland looking over Lake Erie. It took about fifteen days to get here riding in the back of an extradition van shackled in chains from hands to waist and also wearing ankle chains. The van held up to ten people at a time, four on one side with a metal partition in the middle and four on the other side. Most of the people were being transported or extradited to various states but every now and then the drivers would pick up women. The women sat in a separate section closer to the drivers. There was still communication among all the passengers, most of whom were fresh off the streets and had been picked up from county jails in different states from California to West Virginia and everywhere in between. I am sure I was the only passenger on board who was serving a life sentence under three strikes and had already been incarcerated for close to twenty years.
We would ride and stop at the various county jails whenever the drivers could find them using their GPS. The drivers worked for Prisoner Transport Service of America. Inside the van we sat in total darkness except for the light that came in through the back double door windows, and there was a camera mounted high in the right corner on each side to watch us. We might ride for two days straight, dropping off and picking up prisoners. After two days the drivers were required to rest for twenty four hours which meant we would be dropped off temporarily at whatever county jail would take us. I stayed overnight in at least four different jails including one in Ardmore Oklahoma where I stayed five days. As strange as it sounds, I did not want to leave. I was ready to go when they came for me but I could have stayed in Ardmore as long as they let me because the food was the best I had had in years and the cell they put me in had two females next door. They said they were lesbians but we had interesting and flirty conversations and sometimes the female inmates were the ones bringing the three hot meals a day.
Besides all the interactions with the people riding with me and the people I met in the jails, there was a lot of introspection. Cleveland is where I was born and I still have a lot of family here. From the moment I got back to my hometown I felt energized, empowered, and loved but at the same time I felt like a stranger.
On November 1, 2019 I arrived as if I was fresh off the street being booked into jail with about a hundred other people who had come in from all over the city that day. Here I was after almost 20 entering a county jail that holds about three thousand people, some of whom were not even born when I got locked up. Nobody would know that unless I told them and at first I kept this information to myself. When I finally mentioned it the news spread fast and suddenly I was being asked how old I was and how long I had been locked up. I realized I should have kept quiet because there is a lot of ignorance among the jail population which shows up as disrespect from young men who fear the path they have chosen. I recognized that because I was in a new environment I might have been projecting my own fear which colored my outlook and behavior. As much as I want peace among everyone, it is hard to find.
The reason I found myself in jail again was due to the lack of peace within myself. I did not have to rob anyone and now after many years my past has come back to haunt me. In October of 1998 I was shot in the midst of an armed robbery and I am reminded of it every day because the middle finger of my right hand was half shot off so I have a nub. While I was in the hospital having my wound treated the police came asking what happened. I lied and I was arrested but I was later able to bail out and return to court. A warrant was generated and for reasons I do not know it only came up recently. I went through the process of filing paperwork to have the case dismissed or resolved in court.
In Ohio I was able to see my sister face to face for the first time in sixteen years and it brought tears to my eyes. I could see that she had grown older and the distance between us had kept me from realizing how much older I have become too. My aunt and two cousins visited me a few times and the love and concern they showed me was incredible. I am grateful for their love and it makes me want to be better, to function in society as a free man on a level that would make my loved ones proud and allow me to show them my love in return.
My time in Ohio was full of ups and downs. I was happy to see family and happy to be out of prison but I knew it was temporary. That hurt in a way I am still trying to understand. I want to believe that seeing even a small taste of freedom lit a renewed fire in me to do what I need to do to regain my freedom. I also know that I only control my thoughts, feelings, what I say, and what I do. Everything else is beyond my control. With faith and a realistic view of how karma works in my life, there is a chance that I will one day walk out of prison and I want to be ready in every way when that day comes.
