I grew up afraid and neglected. Beginning my life term at 16 impacted how I grew as a human. People say prison is its own little world; and that is where I learned about the world. I have spent nearly half my life locked up.
Behind these walls I learned about people, relationships, and life. The problem is the only help offered to inmates involves drugs, gangs, and criminal behavior. It doesn’t teach self-respect, patience, confidence, or skills needed to be a good human. I wasn’t learning how to be a man, I was learning how to be an inmate.
My institutionalization came slowly and subtly. I thought I was doing well. Staying out of trouble was my goal, and doing the right things. The problem was my values and beliefs were becoming shaped by prison culture. I didn’t realize this until Covid, when I began meeting people from the penpal-site, writeaprisoner.com.
Talking to outside people showed me an entirely foreign caliber of humanity. One particular friend had no problem pointing out when I said something outrageous that only an inmate would believe, like normalization of violence, prejudices and anger. I began to see that my mind frame was that of a bitter inmate. My ideas on justice, society, and friendships were all corrupted.
Luckily, that friend held me accountable for the things I said, helping to challenge unhealthy values and beliefs I had accepted. It helped just having normal conversations about things like having dinner with family, a job and having a dog. A wise man once told me the goal isn’t just to get out, or beat the parole board, but to prepare for success after prison.
It was the first time I felt peace. She sat close to me in the visitation room, her head on my shoulder. I felt safe, at home.
Today, my wife inspires my change by motivating me to be a better man and a better husband. I no longer focus on life here in prison. I see my future and who I want to be. That hope is now what teaches me about life.
I have a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I’m actually learning the skills of patience, work ethic, integrity, and self control so I can succeed on the outside. So Ashleigh and I can succeed together.
