At 12, I met the girl I would one day marry. It was elementary school, and it was also the year my criminal career began. In our class picture, every kid is wearing a Ninja Turtles or Power Rangers shirt. My future wife has on a Betty Boop t-shirt. I’m in house shoes, Dickies, and a baggy sweatshirt with my hair combed back. I had no childhood. I was already hanging out with 40-year-old men and driving stolen cars. In 1991, at 11 or 12, I picked up my first charge: strong-arm robbery with a gun.
My whole life since then has been in and out of lockup: juvenile hall, camps, Youth Authority, jail, and prison. At 17, I was the only kid on B Yard at Pleasant Valley, a Level 3 general population yard, with 6 years to do. I should have been home playing games and going to school. Drugs and gangs robbed me of my childhood. I made a name for myself on the streets, but look where it led me.
Death Row, for something I still say I didn’t do. My attorney and the DA offered me 12 years for manslaughter. I turned it down and went to trial, confident I would win because I wasn’t there. My alibis never showed up, and I lost. I was condemned and spent 2009 to 2023 in East Block at San Quentin.
All that time, the girl from my class picture was looking for me. She found me on the internet, came to see me on the Row, and married me. She is my best friend and my companion. Her kids love me as their dad. Because of them, I’ve been changing my ways to be a good father and a good influence.
This past Thanksgiving, after we got tablets, I was on the phone with my kids during their Thanksgiving dinner at school. Parents were invited, and it hurt not to be there. A few kids showed up alone with no parents at all, and that was sad to see. My wife told me, “Don’t feel bad. You’re a good dad. At least you’re on the phone, and the kids appreciate your time. You showed them you’re here in spirit.” It made me feel human, not like an animal on Death Row, which is how people see us. My kids saw that too, and they were content.
My kids rated me a 7.5 as a dad. I asked, why not a 10? My youngest said they left room for mistakes, because we’re all human. I had to feel my heart melt. Kids feel your energy. If you’re fake, they won’t attach to you or give you a 9.5.
Incarceration has hit us hard. My wife sees other women post about the day their husbands come home from prison, and it hurts her. She may never have that day with me. She has wanted to marry me since she was 12, and I gave her her wish. But because I’m condemned, we can’t even have a family visit. She wants a baby girl from me & me too! It takes a very special woman to marry a man on the Row.
My biggest mistake was not taking the 12 years. The system is truly broken. I’m back in court for resentencing, and twice now I’ve felt misled by my lawyer, which has prolonged my stay an opportunity to get out. I’m poor, and I hate feeling like only money can free you.
When I look at my wife and kids, I know their wish. They don’t say it out loud so it can come true, but we know what it is. I am truly ready to come home and prove I can be a productive member of society. I already am a good husband and father.I’m writing a book about my life called Alive From Death Row. I just left SQSP I was in east block on Death Row for several years from 2009 till 2023.
