This experience became the turning point where I learned to self-reflect and use that as a tool for growth.
Life has a way of showing you who the boss is and teaching lessons when you need them most. Mine started in my teens, and the lessons came in the form of jail. I have spent nearly twenty years in and out of prison with about eight months left on my sentence. For most of my life, people told me I was bright and good at many things, even when what I was doing was wrong. That gave me a false sense of security, as if I had life all figured out. The truth was the opposite. I was prideful, thought I knew everything, and had no humility. When life seemed good, I never believed I needed to change. But jail kept bringing me back. The time before this sentence was when I finally asked myself the question that changed me: “Why is this constantly happening to me, and how can I fix it?” I realized I had never truly questioned myself. That’s where self-reflection began.
I thought reflection was for rich people or Buddhists. Then I spoke with my mom, “Boy, this is God sitting you down so you can open your eyes.” That made me pay attention. Soon I was reflecting daily, questioning my thoughts, my actions, and my flaws. I saw my biggest problem was my attitude. Instead of going to self-help classes just to earn good time credits, I started listening. I realized I had been wasting opportunities to grow. I became receptive to change. I used to think everything the Illinois Department of Corrections offered was a scam, but I found the programs actually gave me a better outlook on life.
Everybody wants betterment but doesn’t know where to start. Self-reflection is only the beginning, it doesn’t fix everything unless you apply effort. For me, it created dramatic changes in how I think. Even though I ended up back in prison, I understood that growth isn’t overnight. Now I see all my time in jail as God telling me to work on myself. This experience became the turning point where I learned to self-reflect and use that as a tool for growth. I feel I have truly learned while incarcerated. I believe I am alive because there is still more for me to do. I can’t wait to be released, put what I’ve learned into practice, and prosper in the next stage of life.
