I have always been a proponent of pro-choice; and if anyone ever asks me what my feelings are on the abortion issue, I’ll firmly tell them that; but I’ll also have to tell them about the love I have for the girl who never was and how very much I miss the times we never shared together.
Love is sacrifice, putting others’ needs before your own without expectation. Love is patience, enduring the storms that darken our horizons to see the dawning of a brand new day. Love is warmth, that glowing ember of light that radiates within the deepest reaches of the heart at the very thought of the other person. And love is everlasting, seeing the entirety of your future in the eyes of another and not being able to envision that future without them.
After years of soul searching, it became important to give back for all that I’ve taken. My universal balance was off kilter. The biggest way to give back to everybody I’ve adversely impacted is to remove myself as far as I can, from the little kid who came into the system. After decades of being despondent and without support or camaraderie, my personal mission statement was created: ‘To add value to the lives of all prisoners.’
Over the past few years I’ve learned that my past is just that, but my future is what will define me. I may be in prison, but I live my life as an eagle soaring in the clouds – free. I refuse to let my incarceration define my reality.
No one can take away the peace and joy I carry within, because today I can see all the blessings around me. Prison is not fun, but it has shaped me to be a better mother, daughter, sister and friend.
Being incarcerated has allowed me to learn my self worth and realize that I will never be content in love with anyone, good or bad, if I can’t first love myself. Those who hurt me, I thank.
With her passing, I feel like a part of me died with her. I wish she could see me now and the man I am becoming because of the morals she ingrained in me. Big Mama, as we all affectionately called her, left an everlasting impression on us all.
I learned that I can’t be the hands on, disciplinarian father, so I adopted more of a big brother- dynamic. This creates a more comfortable atmosphere for him to come to me for advice, with his issues and growing pains.
I am two semesters away from completing my Bachelors Degree in Communication. A feat I never thought was possible, now it is within reach. Life is what you make it and life is good.
Nowadays I just wanna chill, be free and enjoy life. I want to sit on the front porch, drinkin’ cold ice tea and watch the kids play in the yard, free, happy and content.
My heart hymned with sorry, like the crying of a dove. At thirty, the probability of having a wife and child was razor-thin, like the fencing around my home.