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Kyaleah, 26

Kyaleah, 26

Stories

Meet Kyaleah…

This experience has given me an entirely renewed outlook. The pessimistic person I once was, has been destroyed a thousand times over.

Kyaleah, 26
Incarcerated: 10 years
Housed: Cummins Unit, Arkansas Department of Corrections, Grady, Arkansas

Since the age of five I’d been highly educated in lying, cheating, stealing, and violations of various degrees. As a child my mother would always tell me and my only flesh and blood brother, Jamarco, that she couldn’t save us when we went to the pen. She told me this for over sixteen years. My brother, Jamarco overdosed last year, he was 21. I’ve met many people that’ve made me want to lead a better life. I’ve met many more people that have assisted me in developing traits that have exposed me to failure. After a decade in prison, I’ve faced dilemmas that have forced me to properly communicate and redirect my intentions. Now the majority of my motives are good and instead of a lying tongue and a cursed language, I produce convincing truths. I am proficient in the language of love.

This experience has given me an entirely renewed outlook. The pessimistic person I once was, has been destroyed a thousand times over. I have to be diligently active in my disciplines for renewal to give me unrestricted access to public authority. I possess the gift of discernment, bestowed on me by the Architect of the Universe and his Council, being able to withdraw some of the most precious resources from the most horrendous embodiments on this planet and beyond. I stand as a carefully developing human being, constantly renewing. I’m not just positive actions, but an eternal work that’s never finished. I’ve learned we aren’t products of time, but producers of time and like time we should be constant in change. Being able to adapt to infinite climates, for this invites inevitable attainments. 

Derrick, 22

Derrick, 22

Stories

Meet Derrick…

I was locked up again during the birth and was not there to see my son come into the world. Ever since the day that I got out, I knew I had to provide for the little one.

Derrick, 22
Incarcerated: 6 years
Housed: Cummins Unit, Arkansas

This is something I’ll never forget. One night I was walking to the store when I was picked up by some dudes I knew for a blind mission I didn’t expect. My actions that day caused someone to almost lose his life over some drugs and money. This destructive behavior started when I was just eight because it was the life I had adapted to. I went from stealing to car hopping, to breaking and entering, to robbing drug dealers. I have had to complete every mission I was assigned in order to provide for my people and to survive.  I became too adjusted to this life and too addicted to drugs, so things just got worse and worse. At one point, I did believe that I had escaped my problems, however they followed me. I tried to follow a different path, but my past choices had already defined me and it was at this point I felt that I had thrown away my dream and given up on those that needed me the most. After one visit to DYS, I got one of my friend’s sisters pregnant and learned that I had to accept my responsibility for the baby.

I was locked up again during the birth and was not there to see my son come into the world. Ever since the day that I got out, I knew I had to provide for the little one. That realization caused me to commit a crime that got a police officer killed. I was locked up and took a deal for 20 years in order to keep my other homeboy from doing the time as we were both there that day. I started to feel like nothing good in life was meant for me. I have problems communicating and dealing with people, a problem that I have been trying to overcome. This is a challenge I’m battling with. My big brother in here has been hard on me, but I know it is to help find the “better me.” When you feel like everybody has given up on you, I encourage you to keep  striving no matter how long it takes. I have given up on so much over the years. But now, I am trying to rise, better than I was. I am not done chasing my dreams of music and starting my own clothing design business. Everything I do, I do for my son. I am just another person in prison trying to make a living. So stay strong and NEVER GIVE UP.

Lamar, 34

Lamar, 34

Stories

Meet Lamar…

This woman was the answer to my prayers. I thought I just needed a penpal but I got a mother. I call her my Godmother and I truly love her as if she made me.

Lamar, 34
Incarcerated: 13 years
Housed: East Arkansas Regional Unit, Marianna

I gave up on life because I wouldn’t be living anymore; I’d only be existing. I envied others who got all the mail, visits and talked on the phone. I left my daughter when she was eight and I get out when she’s 28. Prison can be a lonely, cold and bitter place. I’d attempted suicide before but I lived through it, so I lied about what made me nearly die. This is my second prison term. My first term I served seven years. I felt I deserved this hell. I felt I deserved the mistreatment from officers and my peers, too. I didn’t shave, exercise, or write home. I crawled into a shell. I thought to myself, “This is God’s will.” Until one day, I wrote to a bookstore asking them to donate some books. I received a letter from a woman named Claire. Since that day, two years ago, she has made it a point to write to me every week no matter what. She sent photos and I’ve even called her.

This woman was the answer to my prayers. I thought I just needed a penpal but I got a mother. I call her my Godmother and I truly love her as if she made me. She stayed on me (in a good way.) She’s very religious and very loving. I love my real mother but I have two of them now. Claire stayed on me about getting a GED and I did it, I did not want to but I did it. She encouraged me to write a book. And I did it. In fact, I just finished my second book. I haven’t found a publisher, but I’m proud of my accomplishments. Some days are hard, but she stays with me. I thank God for this woman. God didn’t give me what I wanted but he gave me what I needed. I’m somebody and I’m not forgotten.

Whitney, 33

Whitney, 33

Stories

Meet Whitney…

I was on drugs and alcohol which led me to a fatal mistake. I started hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there.

Whitney, 33
Incarcerated: 3 years
Housed: McPherson Unit, Newport, Arkansas

I was on drugs and alcohol which led me to a fatal mistake. I started hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there. Some things seemed real, like the TV began to talk. I was going back and forth between men. All of my relationships were raunchy. I was so lost and caught up in sex and drugs, that I couldn’t see what was happening. I was so ashamed and hurt by my actions that I tried to commit suicide. One day my old case worker asked if I would like to try and talk to my kids. I said no, I was sure they didn’t want to speak to me. I have four kids and one is deceased. My oldest was upset with me for a while. The other two were not upset as much. I look back with regret everyday on the choices I made. I’m still talking to my kids. It’s been rough for all of us. I can’t sleep at night sometimes because I question myself. The guilt consumes me. After I came to prison I got my GED. I didn’t think I could do it. That’s the way I’ve felt all my life,  like I couldn’t accomplish anything. I love to write poetry about how I feel. God has changed my life and is still working on me. I look at these prison walls and think this is what I left my kids for. I miss being around them so much. They are so smart and funny.

Derrick, 22

Derrick, 22

Stories

Meet Derrick…

I went from stealing from my own family, to stealing from others, to car hopping, to breaking into people’s houses, taking what they worked so hard for, to robbing drug dealers and stores.

Derrick, 22
Incarcerated: 6 years
Housed: Cummins Unit, Arkansas

I went from stealing from my own family, to stealing from others, to car hopping, to breaking into people’s houses, taking what they worked so hard for, to robbing drug dealers and stores. Then things got worse. Each crime I committed was for the same reason: to provide for my people and survive. I’ve spent my life in and out of the system. At 14  I moved in with my grandmother, thinking my problems would slow down, only to realize they followed me and got worse. At 15, I ended up getting my sister’s friend pregnant; she was 14. I was addicted to the powder and messing around with older women, so I left her to get my mind right, only to be locked up again. My son’s due date was on my birthday. Eight days after he was born, I was released. That day, I was completely done with the life I was living, wanting to provide for the lil one. I soon gave up and went back to hustling. I was told to knock on his door, which almost caused him to lose his life, all for drug money.

This was my life, starting when I was eight., not because my mother and father weren’t good parents, but just because it was. I caused a police officer to be killed. I was in county jail for three years before I finally said forget it and I took a deal for 20 years with another 17 on a Y felony to keep my other homeboy from doing the time. I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger. My family and many others fought me on it, even my child’s mother.  My parents gave up on me, and I started to feel like there wasn’t anything left in life for me. I started causing problems in prison. My big bro in here, Rufus, has been a big influence. He’s been tough on me and helped me find the “better me.” Recently, he’s tried to keep me focused on positive thoughts and pursuing education. For all of you going through ups and downs, obstacles, heartache and pain, remember you ain’t alone. Keep pushing until things get better. I gave up on so much over the years, but now, I’m trying to rise and better myself. I haven’t given up on chasing my dreams:

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