Tony, 50

Tony, 50

Meet Tony…

 “I don’t want to grow bitter and dark, yet I can feel my mind slipping further and further down the rabbit’s hole turning my warm heart into ice.”

Tony, 50

Incarcerated: 23 years

I have made peace with the thought of the possibility that I might never go home. But, where do I call home? I have built a kingdom within my heart because I am not this body, I am a spirit, avoiding the bars of my bones, to imprison me. I cover myself with the clothes, where the seeds dress themselves from the inside out. I have fallen down this rabbit’s hole and have become a stranger to my two daughters and son. I do not wish to lie to you, but even my family has faded away. I am responsible for turning myself into a ghost. For four years, I wrote a book, poured my heart and soul into it, and my teacher wanted to publish it. He took it and I’ve never seen him or it again. I hear he still teaches in prison. I am a typical short story of a gang member, who grew up being taught and schooled by some of the greatest hard core rappers – glorifying this cemetery I now live in. Of course, lots of positive changes do happen in our prisons now, with lots of self help groups. But, what good is a treasure chest full of gold, if you keep running from grave to grave? I’ve seen many people receive lots of certificates of accomplishments, yet they have not changed but, only for the worst. You ask me what I love? I love to paint the elements of destruction and I love my little radio. I don’t want to grow bitter and dark, yet I can feel my mind slipping further and further down the rabbit’s hole turning my warm heart into ice. 

Jamie, 31

Jamie, 31

Meet Jamie…

“One day I’ll make it home, and when I do, I’ll be the best version of myself possible. I love my family, and I want to make them proud.”

Jamie, 31

Incarcerated: 6 years

Housed: Central California Women’s Facility, Chowchilla, California

When I first held my son, I looked into his eyes and swore to myself and him that I’d protect him, that I’d be the best mom, that I’d give him a better life than I had. I tried and I tried, but life is about choices, and I made some bad ones, I lost sight of what was important, and I allowed my broken heart to lead me down a path of darkness and destruction.

I was trying to fill the emptiness I felt inside with drugs and toxic relationships. I was doing anything I could, to not be alone because I was so filled with pain and fear. Misplaced loyalty and naivety caused me to make the wrong decisions and I’m paying for it now. I miss my son and my daughters every minute of every day. I miss laughing with my mom, I miss driving. I miss taking my son to the movies and going out to eat. These days I can’t do much besides stay positive and keep my faith that God is with me even when I feel alone. I work out daily and I try to help the other women here. I try to serve the community I am now a part of. I can’t take away the pain I’ve caused my family, and I can’t unbreak those hearts, but I’ve made another promise that I intend to keep: one day I’ll make it home, and when I do, I’ll be the best version of myself possible. I love my family, and I want to make them proud. 

Ray, 42

Ray, 42

Meet Ray…

“I’m grateful for this God given gift of being able to draw and create what’s on my mind, more so what’s in my heart”

Ray, 42

Incarcerated: 23 years

Housed: California State Prison, Vacaville

Art is Life. Art is wonderful, soothing, the great escape, but I must mention the golden aspect: art is open for interpretation and all interpretation is valued! As an artist I get asked a well known question, “How long have you been drawing?” My response, since I was five. But as I reflect back on some of the artwork that captivated my attention, it came from prison. My cousin’s boyfriend sent her a hand-made Mickey Mouse card. Mickey had a tank top on, Jacky’s and some Nike Cortez’s on his feet, looking and standing banged out… and that card was drawn in ink pen. Another piece of artwork came from my uncle, he sent my aunt a hand-made card with a car drawn on a piece of filing folder, and the car was a “Monte Carlos” with a tent on the windows and Dayton wire wheels also drawn in ink pen. These pieces of artwork motivated me to keep drawing over and over until I reached some resemblances. Throughout my childhood I’ve had my fair share of getting in trouble and the majority of the time being on punishment, I spent drawing. Now as аn adult being on punishment (incarcerated), my time is devoted to working in the Delancey Street Restaurant, in groups, painting, drawing creatures and practicing with other mediums. But overall I’m grateful for this God given gift of being able to draw and create what’s on my mind, more so what’s in my heart.

Albert “RU-AL”, 59

Albert “RU-AL”, 59

Meet Albert…

Albert “RU-AL”, 59

Incarcerated: 30 years

Housed: California Death Row, San Quentin

I am a success story. I’m Albert “RU-AL” I’ve been on Death Row for 27 years. I’m the author of ten self published books. When I first got to San Quentin in 1996 I knew this was going to be a long and slow ride to getting my freedom back for a crime I didn’t commit. I knew I had to find something to do  knowing the state wanted to execute me and 600+ other people. I heard a few guys had written books so I knew there was no gang banging here. I decided it was time to write my autobiography. I’m going to be the only black man on any death row in the world with ten self published books. I’m going to make history as well as leave a positive legacy for my great, great, great grand kids.

Below is a little bit about each one of my books. 

“Put On The Shelf To Die” A trilogy about my family, my trial and my conviction and my first 15 years on Death Row.

“10 Toes Down” My gang life on the streets, told like no other gangsta books before this one.

“Behind These Walls” After being in six other prisons before this one, my ganglife in these prisons.

“I’m In God’s Confinement” How my faith in Jesus has kept me safe in this hell hole of a place. The real me.

“S.O.D.R Spiritual Testimonies” I collected real testimonies from men about how their religious beliefs have helped them in this dark place. These testimonies are powerful and can be inspirational. .

“Our Last Meals?” I asked guys for one or two of their best recipes. Good cooked meals.

“I Survived Covid-19” How so many guys got sick and 19 on Death Row died.

“S.Q.D.R. College Graduate 203 G.P.A. ” It took me 11 years to finish but I didn’t quit. I have a double major in Social and Behavioral Science and Business.

“My Last Meals” The meals I cooked in the 25 years I have been on Death Row. .

All my meals.

“Eugene and Emeire” A four book series about my two oldest grandkids, Christian Children books, Bedtime stories and Sunday School Stories.

Juan, 23

Juan, 23

Meet Juan…

“Fitness is an escape within these walls, it helps me deal with everyday situations and I get to stay healthy.”

Juan, 23

Incarcerated: 8 years

Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, California

My favorite song is called “Meet Me Halfway” by the Black Eyed Peas. Fitness is an escape within these walls, it helps me deal with everyday situations and I get to stay healthy. Faith in my higher power, it will always be a part of my recovery. My favorite verse is Jeremiah chapter 29:11. College has connected me to a greater community, “Reach one Teach one” as they say.  In three months, I’ll be blessed to be going home to begin a new chapter in my life. 

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