Am I being my true self? Who am I when the high wears off, the party is over, and everyone has gone home?
I didn’t even realize the grip addiction had on my life. If it was the solution, why did I have to keep using? Did I not notice it was only getting worse, demanding more and more of my time, attention, and energy? Addiction kept me loaded and distracted from the real issues at hand. I was not in control of my own life. I’ve said before: You can have my life as long as you keep me happy and keep me from feeling. Addiction kept me comfortable while I sacrificed my own morals, values, and judgment. That’s why, when I was sober, I had to go back to not feeling, I couldn’t face the life I had created for myself, a life addiction never allowed me to truly experience. I ran from people, places, and things, but I couldn’t run from myself. That’s why the first step is admitting I am powerless and that my life has become unmanageable. Because addiction tells me I can do it all on my own, the way I always have. Today, I ask myself: Am I being my true self? Who am I when the high wears off, the party is over, and everyone has gone home? That’s who I am. In the end, I never wanted the party to stop—because once it did, it was just me. Do I even know this person? If I do, then why am I avoiding him?
I am so proud of you Van, for all the hard work you have been doing with your Faith and Relationship with God, as a Mighty Man Of God! Investing in your self, journeying to your self worth, and how much value you have. And your purpose in God. Allowing yourself to be used by God to soeak your Truth and to be a Blessing to others. Continue to put God first and stay surrendered to God, and obedient to his call on your life Son! I Love You Mom!🙏👏💝🥳