At ten, I was placed in a foster home where I met kids who were just like me, scared and detached. For the first time I felt there was nothing wrong with me, I took to them like glue to paper.
Shortly after giving birth to me, my mother was murdered by her lover. When I was two years old, never having recovered from her death, my father committed suicide. I became a warden of the state.
At eight, several foster homes later, I was placed in a home with a ten year old, mean, selfish girl. She didn’t like little boys and she didn’t like me. There was a wood burning stove in the center of the house. One day, the mean girl called me over to the stove and placed my arm on it until my skin fried into a third degree burn.
That is when my hate began, I became very angry at girls and women alike. I became evil-minded and wished I’d been treated fairly.
One winter night, in another foster home at the age of nine, two other kids and I were left alone in the house. I went into the closet and made a fire to keep warm when the clothing caught fire. I was trying to put out the fire when the house burnt down.
The family sent me back to child services, unhappy and alienated from my feelings, I could not establish an emotional connection.
I felt I was a cash cow in people’s homes and was first arrested for stealing at 11. After being released, I was surrounded by a multitude of young criminals which led me down a path of drugs and alcohol, which would depict my life.
As an adult, I held various jobs and was married three times, my first marriage lasted 13 years until I found my way to prison. With all my wives, I was violent and lived to drink and use cocaine. I wasn’t truthful with them about the memories that haunted me or the torrid path that had brought me there.
Voices in my head always seem to find a way to show themselves. I repeatedly victimized myself and was always remorseful for what I did. I had a burning, blazing, flammable hate inside for everyone. I thought I would never escape the demons in my mind.
Today with medication I feel in control of my life, I am in great health and ready to proceed with life, my demons are at bay.
