A letter to myself. Experiences challenged you and made every good seem for naught. Generational dysfunction and learned desires were instrumental in being your destructive force. It was hard for you to navigate the intricate dynamics of relationships. There was no way you could form trust, empathy or confidence. Up went the walls and vices to buffer the anxiety and insecurities. I recall the fear that would well up, you would wish it away and abandon everybody and everything. Not easy and always painful.
Your unknown broken rejection was all you had. The hurt, harm, and danger incurred from unchecked issues furthered your emotions, moods, and sense of being. No wonder your journey in life came to an abrupt halt. Your tangible childhood models were abusive emotionally, physically and seldom produced any semblance of wholesomeness. The consistent toxic woes of poverty, alcoholism and aloneness were all there ever was. When times started off in a secure direction, tragedy struck time and time again.
Each traumatic event served to cue you up to check out from uncomfortable powerlessness impacts. No longer do you have to go on in life feeling alone and unsupported. Your mature, insightful, empathetic, compassionate, concerned self is present and confident to face life on its terms with an open mind.
With the murdering of Patricia you faced the darkest time of your life. For the years that ensued you’ve gone out on limbs, dived head first into vulnerability, gone all or nothing into ideals and practices that promote mental awareness. You’ve grown to address and resolve many of your issues to experience forgiveness for self and others you harmed and put in danger. Lastly, making the commitment to live and be present consciously, securely, has brought about change. The future doesn’t seem impossible as it used to. Although many people you once loved have gone on, there are just as many people who have come to offer experience, strength and hope. You are now humble and receptive to what they have to share. I feel assured that life is going to be better than you ever imagined! Don’t stop thriving, continue on, you are worth it.
📸from Molly Carl second on left @ Toys 4 Tots