A hug may seem trivial or simple, but what sticks out to me most is that the better hug you give, the better hug you receive.
When I first got incarcerated, I pushed everyone away to protect myself from the pain of losing them in my life. To say I acted on bad advice is an understatement. It’s the human interactions with loved ones that really keep the mind from getting lost in the abyss of prison life. Since then, my journey has led me through many years of isolation, years in segregation, Administrative Detention, and minimal contact with the outside world. I lost out on true and genuine relationships built on love and respect. Fast forward to about a month ago: I won my appeal for why I was in Administrative Detention. It took me five years to finally win that appeal. I’m now out and in the general population. That’s when I truly started learning new things about myself. I went from extreme isolation to being in a dayroom and on a yard with 25 plus people at a time. To say it’s been overwhelming is an understatement. I didn’t realize how much damage it does to the mind when you’re completely cut off from the outside and even the little contact you do get is limited.
The past has not been kind to me when it comes to visits. I saw my grandma a couple of months before she passed. She knew she was sick, but didn’t tell me so I wouldn’t worry. My next visits were from my mom, who came to tell me that my youngest brother and my favorite uncle had passed away. Both of those visits happened behind glass, with no human contact. So, 2010 was my last hug. I’ve been trying to rebuild all the bridges I blew up along the way, but I’m finding it extremely difficult.
At the same time, I’m searching to add genuine people to my life, people I can be a blessing to. A hug may seem trivial or simple, but what sticks out to me most is that the better hug you give, the better hug you receive. Since I’ve been out of Ad Seg, I’ve been active. I go to the yard, work out with weights, and play basketball. I’ve applied for jobs and I’m on the waiting list for culinary arts school and art class. As much as I’d like to begin right away, I realize things take time. If prison does one thing, besides separating you from the outside, it really tests your patience and perseverance.
As human beings, we all have the ability to adapt and overcome. Maybe not perfectly all the time, but we learn from our mistakes as well as our achievements, hopefully. We’ve developed a lock them up and throw away the key mentality in the U.S. It’s crazy how the U.S. has more people incarcerated than the rest of the world combined. The system is broken and needs to be repaired, and so do the people it’s affected, both those on the outside and those on the inside. All of us know someone who’s been incarcerated, whether it’s a family member or someone one degree removed. May I suggest that you reach out to them through the lens of love and forgiveness, allowing for the chance for all of us to heal, to grow, and to once again become valued members of our families, communities, and society.
God bless all of you.
