Growing up in poverty and being abandoned by my father at three, I had less than others due to only having a mother. Frustration and verbal abuse were usual in my dysfunctional household.
My mother only went to school until the 5th grade and only spoke Spanish, so I had no parents to help me with academics. All the abuse my father instilled in my mother physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially caused a lot of damage to her. I was the middle child and happened to look like my father.
All of my mother’s hurt, anger, and resentment were projected on me, so growing up, I found it challenging to learn and to pay attention in school, and I had terrible behavior problems. My father’s leaving had a significant impact on my life. I searched for a male role model who would lead me down a positive path.
I’m open minded, willing, honest, committed, and vulnerable today and I like the genuine authentic version of my true self.
All my behavior problems, suspensions, and cursing out teachers and principals were my way of seeking attention and wanting to be connected in any way. I always thought other kids in school were smarter and better than me, but it was all in my mind.
Today I realize how I can go back to my inner child and heal, forgive, and grow from my past traumas. I would go to the principal’s office for discipline reasons. Today, I contacted the principal for resources and opportunities for a better life upon release. Today, I appreciate my connection to self-help groups, events, school, vocational careers, church, etc.
I understand life, even as simple as a conversation, for the most minor things. I challenge myself to strive, pursue a higher education, and not get frustrated because it’s a familiar, easy way out. Coming to the realization and having self-worth and value myself has opened a new way of living, and I’m striving for better. I’m open-minded, willing, honest, committed, and vulnerable today, and I like the genuine, authentic version of my true self.
