Growing up in poverty and being abandoned by my father at three, I had less than others due to only having a mother. Frustration and verbal abuse were usual in my dysfunctional household.
My mother only went to school until the 5th grade and only spoke Spanish, so I had no parents to help me with academics. All the abuse my father instilled in my mother physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially caused a lot of damage to her. I was the middle child and happened to look like my father.
I’m open minded, willing, honest, committed, and vulnerable today and I like the genuine authentic version of my true self.
All of my mother’s hurt, anger, and resentment were projected on me, so growing up, I found it challenging to learn and to pay attention in school, and I had terrible behavior problems. My father’s leaving had a significant impact on my life. I searched for a male role model who would lead me down a positive path.
All my behavior problems, suspensions, and cursing out teachers and principals were my way of seeking attention and wanting to be connected in any way. I always thought other kids in school were smarter and better than me, but it was all in my mind.
Today I realize how I can go back to my inner child and heal, forgive, and grow from my past traumas. I would go to the principal’s office for discipline reasons. Today, I contacted the principal for resources and opportunities for a better life upon release. Today, I appreciate my connection to self-help groups, events, school, vocational careers, church, etc.
I understand life, even as simple as a conversation, for the most minor things. I challenge myself to strive, pursue a higher education, and not get frustrated because it’s a familiar, easy way out. Coming to the realization and having self-worth and value myself has opened a new way of living, and I’m striving for better. I’m open-minded, willing, honest, committed, and vulnerable today, and I like the genuine, authentic version of my true self.
