I was told to knock on a door, which caused the owner to almost lose his life over some drug money. This way of life started when I was eight. Not because my mother and father weren’t good parents cause they were, it was just a life I was used to. I
t went from stealing from my own family to stealing from others to car hopping, to breaking into people’s houses, taking what they worked so hard for, to robbing drug dealers and stores and then things got worse. Each crime I’ve committed was for the same reason, to provide for my people and survive. I was addicted to “Powder” since the age of eight. I’ve spent my life in and out of the system.
At 14, I moved in with my grandmother, I thought my problems would slow down, only to realize they followed me and got worse. At 15, I ended up getting this female pregnant. She was 14. I was too addicted and was used to messing around with older women. So I left to get my mind right. After telling myself I was going to get straight, I was locked up again. My son’s due date was on my birthday, February 14th.
I got out eight days after he was born and ever since that day I was completely done with the life I was living trying to get jobs and work for what I needed and wanted and to provide for the Lil’one to keep me from going back to my old life. Nothing fell in line so that caused me to give up and start back justling. Once again to provide which caused me to commit a crime with somebody which caused a police officer getting killed, caused me to spend over 3 years in the county jail before I finally said forget it and took a deal for 20 years with 17 on a “YO” which means class Y felony to keep my other homeboy from doing the time tho I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger at the scene where the officer was killed.
I did what I did to keep others from getting locked up which from that point so many caught up on me even my own family, my child’s mother and so many others, nearly a year after I signed for my time which was October 8th of 2020, to this moment I feel like my own mother and father done gave up on me which caused me to give up and take everybody off my phone list. I just started to feel wasn’t anything in life meant for me which cause me to have and cause problems here in prison. But though I’m kinda still having problems communicating and dealing with other individuals here in prison, with people in general, which for so long I have been trying to overcome. That’s just a challenge I’m battling with. Not to mention bigger problems but my big brother in here been hard on me but I knew it was to help me find the “better me”.
Sure y’all know him, his name once again is Rufus XXXXXXX. He wrote y’all once before which is the reason I wrote you all cause of him. He really been a big support trying to help me hold yup which so far has been working. A little recently he just tried to keep my mind from the worries and on the positive route and try to keep me educated which I accept and respect; that’s Big Bro though…. But I only been in prison almost a year which didn’t take me no time to experience and learn what I needed to get notice of. So for all of you going through the struggle, through whatever problems, situations, ups and downs, obstacles, heartache and pain. No matter what it is always remember you ain’t alone at all. Even when it seems like it and what I mean about that. God is always there, even those of you that’s going through the same thing I’m having problems with feeling like you ain’t got no support system, feeling like everybody gave up on you I encourage you always keep pushing and striving no matter how long it takes for things to get better, always keep faith in God and in self to neve give up. And stay prayed up whether you know it or not you always in other’s prayers, no matter what time you got. Whatever dream or good you chasing or striving to make it to and complete; keep pushing cause one thing for certain: anything is possible.
Like me I done gave up on so much over the years. Even now, but I’m trying to rise, better than I was, even though I gave up on this or that don’t mean I gave up on chasing my dream for good which is music and starting my clothing and designing business. Everything I do, I do it for the number 1 and only [my son]. Just another person in the pen trying to make a living. Say that to say, once again: NEVER GIVE UP….
Ps: only the strong survive to help the weak get back to base….
