Lost to Light
I have spent the majority of my life since the age of sixteen internally lost within the shadows of the criminal justice system.
From early years of juvenile hall boot camp, California Youth Authority, and finally the facility of the abyss, prison.
I have been incarcerated for a period of ten years on this term since 2015 due to my negative contribution among society, committing multiple crimes causing emotional and physical damage onto others, deemed by multiple judges a danger and unfit to function in society as a productive human. Honestly, it was true.
I have learned in life there are consequences for my actions and I must hold myself fully accountable to whatever I have caused pain. It is vital for one to show mass accountability. Without it, we cannot learn to heal and grow from the wounds we have caused ourselves, mostly others, burning, stranded within stone grounds of not just physical but mental imprisonment.
Prison is a cold and dark place, isolating, immensely stressful and dehumanizing. Most of my daily awakening, I would feel as if the sun has fallen. Many days inside was a grieving self battle with not just identity but character. Challenging as it was, I know the true person I really was inside, not a failure, not a six digit number, not cold, but a man with a beautiful warm heart.
Rehabilitation is essential to self transformation. However we perceive things will determine how we respond. With a positive mindset, participation in self help groups, correspondences, mentorship programs that will prepare us to live a healthy productive life in the near future.
Since my challenging battle of incarceration, I have had the honor of publishing a poetry book, publication on multiple creative writing platforms for many inspirational poems I soulfully created. I also donate money every six months to Shriners Hospital for Children, St. Jude, and others.
I find that empathy and compassion is my greatest ally. Though prison is where I physically reside, it is not where my heart sank realm. I care about others, and in doing so gives me peace, meaning, and spiritual freedom. It serves my purpose in this life well.
A great philosopher by the name of Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see!”
However we choose to live our lives reflects unto ourselves and others. Change is not easy. It is a complex process that we find ourselves constantly resisting. It can take months, years, sometimes much longer. But the moment we decide to take that first step into the next day, thereafter progress will inevitably pursue propensity.
And I have decided to grow and prosper.
“Transformation manifest: there will be light, no more darkness unto darkness which light defeats”
“Whenever we transform something within ourselves we transform it onto other” David Goggins
With that said, while I was recently housed at the California Health Care Facility located in Stockton, California, there was a chaplain there I had spoken to. I explained to him my passion and gift with words, experiences, concerns, and challenges with tribulation thus far. He stated, “Do you know that you are a life changer?” I will call you from this day forward, “Raymond the life changer.” To conclude, what made me change my life then the world.
