I never got a party. There is no retirement, no ride, nothing.
There are three stages in life: the wannabe, the have to be, and the used to be. I was once a wannabe gangsta, thug, and drug dealer. Out there in the streets, I wanted to sell drugs for easy money. I did my research, found out how much the drugs cost, got the money by stealing and selling other things. I bought the drugs, learned how to break them down, figured out the best area to sell in, and made my money. I did all that work just to be that gangsta and drug dealer.
Thinking about it now, it wasn’t all that easy. What if I had spent that same time trying to become a correctional officer, a fireman, or a first responder? You would do the same thing: look online, find out what qualifications you need, where and when the tests are, what the physical exam is, do some pushups, train, and study. You would do the work. Looking at the officers now up in the tower or walking the tiers. They did the work too. That’s a wannabe officer. Once you put in the work to become what you want, you reach the point where you have to be it. That’s when you become a have to be.
If you are selling dope, now you have product to move, bills to pay, and a reputation to protect. If you are a punk, you are not getting paid. You are a have to be gangsta. The wannabe officer. over there is a have to be too. He probably has a house payment, a nice car in the garage, a boat on the side of the house, and kids in private school. That costs money. He has responsibilities until the day he becomes a used to be. When that day comes, he retires. He gets a party, a pension, a retirement fund, keeps his car, maybe his boat, maybe even a gold watch. He gets pats on the back for living up to his responsibilities. He gets to live his life.
But what happens to the wannabe gangsta or drug dealer when he becomes a used to be? Man, I am right here in prison. I have been here twenty-five years. They do not call us used to be’s. There is no respect. They say that fool ain’t shit no more, he is a has-been. I never got a party. There is no retirement, no ride, nothing. I am sitting here now doing the work to become the man I want to be, an artist.
