Marshawn, 37

Marshawn, 37

Meet Marshawn…

What gets me through each day is my family and hope. It’s hard but I constantly tell myself it could be worse.

Marshawn, 37
Incarcerated: 15 years
Housed: Stateville Correctional Center, IL

What gets me through each day is my family and hope. It’s hard but I constantly tell myself it could be worse. I haven’t always had hope. Prison is a very dark place and can suck the life out of you. For the majority of these 15 years, I’ve dwelled on my past, wishing I had listened to people. That I’d done things differently. Constantly thinking of my past has held me back from progressing  and has led me to make some poor decisions. Today, I try to take it one day at a time focusing more on the things that can make me better and have a more positive future! I now see light at the end of the tunnel. So many things are changing in the prison system. People are going home now, which I didn’t see as much in the beginning. It helps me visualize being freed, as well as my family, who have stuck by my side. They have given me the push when needed, this place is hard and distractions are everywhere. God is still giving me the opportunity to breathe, for that I put my best foot forward and continue to fight this fight to the end! 

Derrick, 22

Derrick, 22

Meet Derrick…

I went from stealing from my own family, to stealing from others, to car hopping, to breaking into people’s houses, taking what they worked so hard for, to robbing drug dealers and stores.

Derrick, 22
Incarcerated: 6 years
Housed: Cummins Unit, Arkansas

I went from stealing from my own family, to stealing from others, to car hopping, to breaking into people’s houses, taking what they worked so hard for, to robbing drug dealers and stores. Then things got worse. Each crime I committed was for the same reason: to provide for my people and survive. I’ve spent my life in and out of the system. At 14  I moved in with my grandmother, thinking my problems would slow down, only to realize they followed me and got worse. At 15, I ended up getting my sister’s friend pregnant; she was 14. I was addicted to the powder and messing around with older women, so I left her to get my mind right, only to be locked up again. My son’s due date was on my birthday. Eight days after he was born, I was released. That day, I was completely done with the life I was living, wanting to provide for the lil one. I soon gave up and went back to hustling. I was told to knock on his door, which almost caused him to lose his life, all for drug money.

This was my life, starting when I was eight., not because my mother and father weren’t good parents, but just because it was. I caused a police officer to be killed. I was in county jail for three years before I finally said forget it and I took a deal for 20 years with another 17 on a Y felony to keep my other homeboy from doing the time. I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger. My family and many others fought me on it, even my child’s mother.  My parents gave up on me, and I started to feel like there wasn’t anything left in life for me. I started causing problems in prison. My big bro in here, Rufus, has been a big influence. He’s been tough on me and helped me find the “better me.” Recently, he’s tried to keep me focused on positive thoughts and pursuing education. For all of you going through ups and downs, obstacles, heartache and pain, remember you ain’t alone. Keep pushing until things get better. I gave up on so much over the years, but now, I’m trying to rise and better myself. I haven’t given up on chasing my dreams:

Jesse, 43

Jesse, 43

Meet Jesse…

I haven’t seen my mom in 21 years. She suffered a lot of abuse and trauma and she is the strongest person I know.

Jesse, 43
Incarcerated: 21 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I am serving 200 years to life for attempted murder. I haven’t seen my mom in 21 years. She suffered a lot of abuse and trauma and she is the strongest person I know. She makes me laugh every time we talk and says she’s holding on until I come home. I live my life to honor her love without violence. I love you mom! And to all moms and women everywhere, we lift you up. Happy Mother’s Day from the Humans of San Quentin.

Randy, 29

Randy, 29

Meet Randy…

It was the first time I felt peace. She sat close to me in the visitation room, her head on my shoulder. I felt safe, at home.

Randy, 29
Incarcerated: 14 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

It was the first time I felt peace. She sat close to me in the visitation room, her head on my shoulder. I felt safe, at home. I grew up afraid and neglected. Beginning my life term at 16 impacted how I grew as a human. People say prison is its own little world; and that is where I learned about the world. I have spent nearly half my life locked up. Behind these walls I learned about people, relationships, and life. The problem is the only help offered to inmates involves drugs, gangs, and criminal behavior. It doesn’t teach self-respect, patience, confidence, or skills needed to be a good human. I wasn’t learning how to be a man, I was learning how to be an inmate. My institutionalization came slowly and subtly. I thought I was doing well. Staying out of trouble was my goal, and doing the right things. The problem was my values and beliefs were becoming shaped by prison culture. I didn’t realize this until Covid, when I began meeting people from the penpal-site, writeaprisoner.com. Talking to outside people showed me an entirely foreign caliber of humanity. One particular friend had no problem pointing out when I said something outrageous that only an inmate would believe, like normalization of violence, prejudices and anger. I began to see that my mind frame was that of a bitter inmate. My ideas on justice, society, and friendships were all corrupted. Luckily, that friend held me accountable for the things I said, helping to challenge unhealthy values and beliefs I had accepted. It helped just having normal conversations about things like having dinner with family, a job and having a dog. A wise man once told me the goal isn’t just to get out, or beat the parole board, but to prepare for success after prison. Today, my wife inspires my change by motivating me to be a better man and a better husband. I no longer focus on life here in prison. I see my future and who I want to be. That hope is now what teaches me about life. I have a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I’m actually learning the skills of patience, work ethic, integrity, and self control so I can succeed on the outside. So Ashleigh and I can succeed together.

Jon, 42

Jon, 42

Meet Jon…

In a place known for death and destruction, I found life and meaning. Along the way I have found my voice and discovered my academic abilities that are now leading me towards a whole new future.

Jon, 42
Incarcerated: 6 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

This photo means everything to me, my mom is my biggest support, love and motivation. She lives in Mexico but comes and visits, and also brings my son. I am sharing with HoSQ to give back and hopefully share some smiles, positivity, and inspire others. Never give up! With patience and peace good things will find you. You are worth it. 

“Quentin Crumbles”

Walls crumble like hourglass sands, 

Time melts away desperate past love, 

Lost hugs of Mother, Father, Brother, Son. 

Breaking the hearts of chained memories, 

Bars hold me behind the day’s light. 

My soul free to roam in only dreams, 

Reality what can be once was will always, 

Remain hidden seeking to find meaning. 

Solar views under darkened skies, 

stars diluted in light polluted pain, 

Planets below moon beam Horizons, 

Setting mountains of hate filled minds, 

dissolving into walls of truths forgiveness, 

controlled but never held back, 

steps etched in sand filled shoes blowing through. 

Beaches of crumbled walls and broken chains

as Quentin crumbles.

I am in San Quentin somewhere I never imagined life would lead me. In a place known for death and destruction, I found life and meaning. Along the way I have found my voice and discovered my academic abilities that are now leading me towards a whole new future. I found passion in psychology and self-help. Prison gave me a chance to take inventory and change things about my life I have always been less than proud of. 

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