Ashley, 60

Meet Ashley…

This is a new experience for me to be so open about who I am in prison and out. There will always be haters, but I don’t really pay any attention to that.

Ashley, 60
Incarcerated: 24 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

This is a new experience for me to be so open about who I am in prison and out. There will always be haters, but I don’t really pay any attention to that. I’ve served 24 years but will go back to the Board for a suitability hearing next October. I want to go home. I want people to know that I’m not a mean person. I’m kind, understanding, and sympathetic. I’m not a mess or running around causing drama. I would also like to put it out there that maybe if people would sit down with one of us and ask questions they would have a better understanding of transgender people. I’m not a threat to anyone. My childhood was happy, including a white Christmas’ in Dayton, Ohio. Things were so nice, that is until the steel plant closed down. We had to move and came to California. My world was turned upside down and at the age of seven I was molested by my father and Uncle Bill. I was told that I had to dress up like a girl and do things that no child should have to do. This went on until I was eleven. That’s when I started getting locked up. It was a way to escape the pain. There’s one person here at SQ who has been there for me and whom I really love and care about. Her name is Sage, I call her my daughter and she is always here for me. We take care of each other. Women are more sympathetic and understanding and have always been there for me.

Anthony, 34

Anthony, 34

Meet Anthony…

Anthony, 34
Incarcerated: 3 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I have two amazing children. One with us, the other with the Lord. My first born’s name is Logan. His birthday was in March. He was an amazing big brother, very protective, and very loving. He loved to ride anything with wheels. His favorite foods were mac ‘n cheese, chicken nuggets, and pizza. He wasn’t planned. He taught me what it means to be a dad. When he was just two years old he found out he was becoming a big brother. He was so happy and excited. My second born’s name is Janay. She followed her big brother everywhere, and did everything he did. Janay got a boost in life because of Logan. Janay was blessed to spend the first two years of her life with Logan. When Logan went to go be with the Lord, she didn’t understand. Janay asked for Lolo day and night. Now at four, Janay understands a little better. I talk to her every day. She thinks I’m at work. Janay keeps me strong. Being able to call her motivates me to do better. I have to get out and back into Janay’s life. She always asks me if and when I’m coming home. I remember braiding her hair, pushing her on the swing, cooking her favorite foods, and taking her shopping. She would always say “and what else”. I say go swimming, go for walks, get frozen yogurt. Then she’d say, “and what else”. Then I say read, get your nails done, and watch TV. No matter what I said she’d always say “and what else”. Having her in my life makes it easy to do better, to be better. I have never been to prison before. I am here for a mistake I made after my son passed away. Once I’m released I am not coming back. I’m still employed with my dad, on the same job I had before my incarceration. Thank God. That’s some of my story, I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I made my bed and must sleep in it. God bless you all.

Lenroy, 40

Lenroy, 40

Meet Lenroy…

I would give the world for my daughter to know me, and to be able to be her father.

Lenroy, 40
Incarcerated: 11 years
Housed: New Jersey State Prison, Trenton

I have a daughter that I have not seen or heard from since she was six months old. I was there throughout her mother’s pregnancy and for her birth, which I am extremely proud of. I would give the world for my daughter to know me, and to be able to be her father. It’s been almost 13 years because of a falling out between her mother and me. Since I am in prison, I can’t see or talk to my child. I am fighting my case of innocence, to hopefully litigate for myself (pro se) due to the fact that I do not have the financial means for a good attorney (shout out to all the jail-house lawyers and paralegals, much respect, you all give us hope, seriously). I’ve been in and out of religious and mental health programs, trying to better myself and hopefully, one day God will give me another chance at freedom. Thank you for the time and may God bless you all.

Maria, 35

Maria, 35

Meet Maria…

God saves his hardest battles for his strongest warriors.

Maria, 35
Incarcerated: 8 years
Housed: Montana Women’s Prison, Billings

I’ve been doing time since I was 13. I was 20 yrs old when I ate my first steak and experienced many things I missed. I had no independent living skills whatsoever. I went straight to the streets and got involved in selling drugs. I was only out for six years of my adult life and I was locked up again this time with a  29 year sentence. Since I’ve been in here, I’ve dove deep into education with certificates as a dog trainer and groomer.  I speak to college students and recently did an interview to change legislation and was granted parole from the parole board. I’m so blessed. I also get to do an awesome re-entry program called Culinary Art School to become a chef. God is great. I think being slow and steady, focused and determined has paid off. God saves his hardest battles for his strongest warriors. I love to spread the word and would love to be a part of your movement.

Ben, 51

Ben, 51

Meet Ben…

My 11-year-old son saved my life with his unconditional love. I kept telling him I was sorry for not being there. We had a great visit. Afterwards I wrote to him telling him sorry again. He said, “Dad, you can stop telling me sorry. I forgive you. All I want is for you to do good and get out as soon as you can so you can get to know me.” I felt this weight lift off my back that held me down all these years. I’d always wanted and searched for unconditional love.

Ben, 51
Incarcerated: 6 years

It started when I was young. I was put in the special needs class. A stepbrother came to live with us. I felt unwanted, unloved, stupid, different, and he groomed me to help him burglarize homes. I was small and could crawl into houses and unlock the doors. He took me to the mall and showed me how to steal. I was good at it. He showed me how giving stuff to people made them happy and made them like you. I loved to make people happy. That’s how I made friends and got women: stealing. I was a giver and a pleaser, so the drugs and fast women came with it. I ended up using booze, weed, and other drugs at a young age. By 13, I was sent to a boy’s home. At 16, I was kicked out and moved in with my dad. I went from being on welfare in a trailer park to living in a million-dollar home. I became a “boy toy” to my stepmom. When my dad found out, he blamed me, we fought and I ran away. I ended up in the California Youth Authority and then prison. I hated my dad and told myself I’d never be like him. I fell in love with a woman in jail. She got pregnant. My daughter was born in a cell in a women’s prison. I got out of prison and picked my newborn child up and took care of her. Here I was, 25 with a newborn. I’d never even had a pet before, but I crushed it. After a year I went back to prison for petty stuff, and was taken away from the first thing I ever loved. It hurt; my hair fell out and my mom adopted her. I was in and out of prison. I got another woman pregnant and we both went to prison. She got out and had our son, Blaze, and while I was in, she lost custody of him. My mom, God bless her, was again there to take my child. I got out and CPS said I could not see him, so I decided to go to court to fight for the right to be a dad. I showed up to court with certificates from Father’s First anger classes, letters of support, a clean drug test, and a job, but found out it did not matter. Because I had had no contact with my son for more than 14 months, my parental rights were terminated. Losing my rights hit me hard, I copped out and went back to committing crimes and using. I felt life was not worth living and my kids were better off without me. For the next 10 years I went back and forth to prison, mostly in, seeing my kids here and there. I could not forgive myself for being the kind of dad that mine was. I hated myself for that. I asked my mom if she could bring my son to visit me. She said she was done visiting me and being hurt, but she would ask my son. He wanted to see me. My 11-year-old son saved my life with his unconditional love. I kept telling him I was sorry for not being there. We had a great visit. Afterwards I wrote to him telling him sorry again. He said, “Dad, you can stop telling me sorry. I forgive you. All I want is for you to do good and get out as soon as you can so you can get to know me.” I felt this weight lift off my back that held me down all these years. I’d always wanted and searched for unconditional love. I always thought it would be from a woman. With his forgiveness I was able to forgive myself. In turn I prayed to God and told my dad I forgave him. I learned to break the chain with my son and heal myself. Hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people. It’s been five years of insight. I’ve looked at the root of my troubles and dealt with them. Now I have a good relationship with my mom, son, and daughter. I love myself and feel I’m worth it. I’m a good person. I’m now a grandpa and it’s not too late. I feel I will get out soon and look forward to starting over and for once living life the right way. There’s always hope. Never give up. Even when you’re at your last rope and feel there is no hope, there is.

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