I took the life of a woman that cared too much based on a lie.
To the reader of this letter, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Frederick, and I have been locked up for almost nineteen years now. Next month will make it true. I am here because a married woman fell in love with me. I treated her good, unlike her abusive husband, and before any of this took place I told her I dated other women and told her not to be a stalker. She assured me she would not act crazy.
Time went on and one day Karina, my Mexican woman, told me she was pregnant by me. Then Trina, the married lady, showed up and went crazy, yelling and trying to attack Karina. I was focused on the safety of my unborn child and the mother, so I got in between the two women. Trina yelled, “Oh you gonna protect this bitch!” I told her, “Get the fuck outta my face!” She said, “What are you gonna do motherfucker? Shoot me!” And I did. Her actions and words triggered me to be angrier than she was. It was the wrong thing to do.
Karina lied about being pregnant. My heart dropped when I found out. She said, “I don’t ever lie.” My life, Trina’s life, and our families were affected in a major way because of a lie. Being off my mental health meds did not help either.
Anytime I met a woman’s parents, they loved me. I am handsome, funny sometimes, I can cook and clean, wear clothes, do work in the yard, and I do not mind getting my hands dirty. I think love is the most important thing to have on this earth. It will never fade. I know because I still love women that I have lost by the cold touch of death. No, I did not kill them. Angel was murdered. Kinzy died in a car crash. Toya and the other Trina died from cancer. May they all rest in peace.
Sometimes I wonder why I am still here on earth. I love my mother and my two daughters, and that is a great reason to live. I am forty seven years old now and in great shape. I am muscular and fit. My body looks better than most twenty year old guys. My mistakes prove I am a real person, not AI.
Music soothes my soul. I like all kinds of music: rock and roll, heavy metal, classical, hip hop, R and B, and some country. Too many groups to name, but here are some: Bush, Sublime, Blink 182, System of a Down, Oasis, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, Lamb of God, Deftones, Cannibal Corpse, Bullet for My Valentine, Portishead, Drowning Pool, Slayer, Korn, Sia, Heart, Fiona Apple, Patsy Cline, Red Hot Chili Peppers, STP, Cake, Honey Wilson, Adele, 21 Savage, Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg, and Future.
I am a very different type of person, and I am very much dark. I learned to embrace the darkness because it will be there when you do not expect it. People have said I am crazy or even afraid of me, but a six year old shot his teacher a few years ago. Anyone can do it. Did I kill Trina or did the gun kill her? The answer is it was me and the gun.
I have dreamed of Trina and some of the others, but I do not feel haunted. I once had dinner with the CEO of Frito Lay and his wife at a five star restaurant, all thanks to Trina. I kept them talking and laughing because of my diversity in music and being well cultured in pop events.
As a child I collected Hot Wheels cars, traded soda bottles for deposit, and snuck Playboy, Hustler, and Penthouse magazines. My young mind was never the same. I wanted women that were white and older like the ones in those magazines. Now I like all types of women: fat, fit, tall, short. Race is not an issue. Love is blind.
I have one pen pal and she is super. If anyone writes me with questions about me or life, I am here. As long as I have the postage, I will write you back. I understand people on the outside have jobs and other responsibilities. My friend has been writing me for almost five years. Do not play games and write letters if you do not really want a good pen pal.
I hope everyone can read my handwriting. I only like writing in cursive. I miss taking baths. In here we only have showers. I miss all the different fruits to eat. I have learned how to control anger and channel it by working out. I bodybuild to prevent bad things from happening. My body was tortured with exercise, and that is how I built muscle in almost every fiber of flesh I have. No pain, no gain.
Thinking of freedom helps me get through each day. We are all here to become soldiers who march forward, uplift fallen humanity, and teach one another the true meaning of life and love. I am a Scorpio, and when I call someone a friend it means a lot. I have written too much already, so I will go. I look forward to hearing from you, and pictures of me should be included.
P.S. Cats are better than dogs, but they do not play fetch.
I am here because a married woman fell in love with me. I treated her so good, unlike her abusive husband, and before any of this took place I told her that I have other women I date. She assured me she would not act crazy. Time went on, and one day Karina told me that she was pregnant by me, and Trina the married lady showed up and went crazy, yelling and trying to attack Karina, so I was focused on the safety of my unborn child and the mother. I got in between the two women, and Trina yelled, “Oh, you gonna protect this bitch?” Then I said, “Get the fuck outta my face,” and that is when Trina said, “What are you gonna do, motherfucker, shoot me?” And I did. It was the wrong thing to do, and Karina lied about being pregnant too. My heart dropped when I found out she lied to me. My life, Trina’s life, and our families were affected in a major way because of a lie. Me being off my mental health meds did not help either. I still love women I have lost by the cold touch of death, and no, I did not kill them. Angel was murdered, Kinzy died in a car crash, Toya and the other Trina died from cancer. Sometimes I wonder why I am still here on earth. I love my mother and my two daughters, and that is a great reason to live. Music soothes my soul, and I like all kinds of good music. I have learned how to control anger and channel it by working out. My body was tortured with the exercise, and that is how I got muscles in almost every fiber of flesh I have. No pain, no gain. I miss taking a bath. In here we only have showers, and I miss all the different fruits to eat. My one friend that writes to me has been writing to me going on five years. Do not play games and write paper if you do not really want a good pen pal. I hope everyone can read my handwriting. I only like writing in cursive. Thinking of freedom helps me get through each day. I am a very different type of person. I am very much dark. I have written too much already, so I will go.
