This fatherhood thing was going to be so easy. I had already read the most popular book on parenting that told me all about “what to expect.” Then, the scariest thing happened. The book didn’t tell me about it and no one told me it would happen. I sat on the bed holding my newborn son all alone for the first time. I looked into his alert, innocent eyes. He stared back in connection and what seemed like recognition. My heart stopped pounding and I could not seem to catch my breath. My body tensed. And my thoughts were racing. I felt overwhelmed and I was having my first panic attack ever.
Just thinking about that moment brings those physical sensations back. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am here now. That same baby will be 18 years old this August. Hard to believe, right? I had it all wrong. I am still stumbling through fatherhood.
My name is Ian Hamilton and I am so happy to introduce myself as HOSQ’s new Inside Communications Director. Why me? Why humans? One of the most difficult things about incarceration is becoming unseen, unheard and unreachable. There was a point during my time when I accepted these truths. I did not know about HOSQ and the isolation wore on me while hopelessness set in. So many others inside share this reality. This is the why.
I wholeheartedly believe in the healing power of visibility through storytelling. Feeling seen and heard quiets the hurting. As you read my story and others shared here, know that you are a part of the healing as well.
Prison strips us of the dignity and value inherent in human beings. HOSQ helps to restore us to our dignified, valuable state.
We are currently bringing on new Inside Team members to enhance our efficiency. Stay tuned to meet these amazing people.
