I was not a very nice man before I was locked up. I know I am in prison and I may never shed the labels placed upon me, but I am sorry for the crimes I committed every day. Regardless of where I am, I will have to live with the fact that I ruined other people’s lives. I can never escape the guilt I feel for all I have done.
I am responsible for my actions and doing all that I can to fix and mend the broken bridges I caused. I am working to change my life and educate myself. Inside, I have earned an associate degree and completed several treatment and self-improvement classes. I have a strong work ethic, having held jobs for three years, four and a half years, and over ten years at eighty cents an hour.
I have a virtual life sentence, so I will be in prison for the rest of my life. Yet I am not going to let these walls, bricks, and barbed wire stop me from becoming the person I should have been. These last 30 years, I have found that I am talented, creative, artistic, and caring. I am not a waste or worthless.
What would it be like if you were known and labeled for the worst thing you have ever done? Would your family and friends abandon you? How many would love, care, support, and forgive you? How many would hate what you did but not hate you?
For 46 years, I have been searching for my father and sisters. The last time I saw them was in 1978. All I wanted was to write them an apology letter for not being the son and brother I should have been. I have been longing to know what they look like, where they live, and to be a son and brother again. For years I searched and wrote to addresses that never existed. I found out my biological father had died last year. He was 86. It was sad and heartbreaking that I could not see him, talk with him, or share the man I have become. My sisters are alive and they know where I am. My sister wanted me to know she has kids, so I am an uncle. I still don’t know what my sisters look like or where they live, but I am sorry for not being the brother you deserve. And to society, I am sorry for not being the citizen you deserve.
