This prison set I am currently here for is just one of many lifelong choices I have made since a fatal decision at 14 years old.
I had a short juvenile sentence of 11 months on burglary I involving a multitude of firearms. I have never repeated that crime or one like it. After getting out of juvenile prison, or work camp, I had a few friends, or I thought I did. Most important to me was a girl I really thought I loved before going to juvenile prison.
I hung around trying to get her attention. While waiting, I caught another prison set as a juvenile. A couple days after getting out, I called her and asked her out. She said yes. We did not last long, and I immediately started getting into trouble. I started using crank, a form of speed. I got into a lot of problems, mostly fights with people in the neighborhood. After multiple arrests, they finally just kept me. I was charged with seven assaults, four counts of discharging a weapon in public, and thefts.
Some of the thefts involved unattended delivery vehicles. I took hot wings from a truck and used them at a BBQ because we needed food. Another was a pizza delivery car left running. I took a two liter of soda. I took a cooler from an ice cream truck and passed it out to local kids. I would get high on speed, drink on top of it, and stay up for days. Most of the crimes I have been arrested for were not self beneficial beyond self satisfaction.
After being remanded to adult court at 17, I took my juvenile felonies and had them turned into adult misdemeanors. I met a really great girl who gave me a reason to not want to be arrested. I went to treatment and completed a program in Tacoma at 17 years old. I went back to the same town and got high the same day.
I learned how to survive day to day. I learned street life. I loved my mother unconditionally. I am the eldest child. I have one brother and two sisters. My family has been the only stable thing in my life.
Since moving back to Oregon, I have held jobs, paid taxes, and taken care of myself when I am not incarcerated. Almost all my troubles surround my drug addiction. Over the last year, I have changed mentally and physically. The mentality is what matters. Cause and effect, by me and by others.
I am learning to be human and think of others and how I affect them. I think about my mother, my sisters, and people who just want to live, work, raise kids, and be happy. I don’t think about getting high anymore. I think in groups and ideas.
I know my weak link. It starts with choices. I need to focus on what matters. I can’t love another if I don’t love myself. I want to keep someone smiling and be the reason behind it.
I love learning. I love challenges. I love Christmas season because people slow down and remember what matters. Life can be remarkable, but it can also be cut short by terrible choices.
