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This woman was the answer to my prayers. I thought I just needed a penpal but I got a mother. I call her my Godmother and I truly love her as if she made me.

Lamar, 34
Incarcerated: 13 years
Housed: East Arkansas Regional Unit, Marianna

I gave up on life because I wouldnโ€™t be living anymore; Iโ€™d only be existing. I envied others who got all the mail, visits and talked on the phone. I left my daughter when she was eight and I get out when sheโ€™s 28. Prison can be a lonely, cold and bitter place. Iโ€™d attempted suicide before but I lived through it, so I lied about what made me nearly die. This is my second prison term. My first term I served seven years. I felt I deserved this hell. I felt I deserved the mistreatment from officers and my peers, too. I didnโ€™t shave, exercise, or write home. I crawled into a shell. I thought to myself, โ€œThis is God’s will.โ€ Until one day, I wrote to a bookstore asking them to donate some books. I received a letter from a woman named Claire. Since that day, two years ago, she has made it a point to write to me every week no matter what. She sent photos and Iโ€™ve even called her.

This woman was the answer to my prayers. I thought I just needed a penpal but I got a mother. I call her my Godmother and I truly love her as if she made me. She stayed on me (in a good way.) Sheโ€™s very religious and very loving. I love my real mother but I have two of them now. Claire stayed on me about getting a GED and I did it, I did not want to but I did it. She encouraged me to write a book. And I did it. In fact, I just finished my second book. I havenโ€™t found a publisher, but Iโ€™m proud of my accomplishments. Some days are hard, but she stays with me. I thank God for this woman. God didnโ€™t give me what I wanted but he gave me what I needed. I’m somebody and Iโ€™m not forgotten.

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